Attempted Delivery!

Ack!  A delivery attempt!  Just received an email from my mother, they had a snow storm yesterday that knocked the power out and they got 18 inches of snow with 4-9 yet to come.  Sigh, poor little Evie's body, I hope the mailman kept her warm and reassured her that today is the day she arrives and stays.  I know, I am not making any sense, it's just a body, right?  But Evie may already be in there?  I have no idea.  I haven't heard from Evie since the last letter.

I am hanging in limbo.  Each day I study Seola photo's.  Each day I think of how she will look, I imagine hair and eye combinations, clothing styles, the toys, the trunk, the bicycle.  It's strange in a way, that all the dolly things I have, how they were fun for a picture or two, but they never had a definite purpose.  They remained props.  Now with the new direction, they seem to mean more.  Evie has had that pink bicycle for over a year, I photographed her with it once.  It seems just a bit small in scale for her, I now know it will be perfect for her smaller body.  I have items I thought would work for Olwen, now seem more appropriate for a younger girl, like a Hello Kitty lunch box.  I keep thinking about how all these things I kept, even when at the time it was too childish for Evie, or too big for Olwen.  I even kept a bunch of little girl dresses that fit Evie, but of course looked ridiculous.  I kept them without ever knowing that Evie would regress in time.  It's marvelous marveling time for me!  lol

Oh, and Olivia says hi!

Olivia At Whiskey Pete's

Look!  Whiskey Pete's!  I want to go!  What do you mean they won't let me in????

Bikini's are proper attire!  Really!  I want to go gambling! 

Noooooo....don't leave me!  It's not fair!!!!!!!!!

I'll take off my bikini!  Come back!

Well, Snivel, I changed my clothes and they still won't let me go!  So we'll have our own party!

Okay, here's your kiss....it just that it's so, so....mucus-y.  Blech!

Pie, corn, yule log cake, blue koolaid, mmmm.....so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And cookies and ice cream soda for a snack with TV!!!!!  Who cares about gambling?

owwww.....I think I ate too much!  Good night, Snivel.

Dreaming of My Dream

I am finally breathing again.  Been so caught up in dolly thoughts that I haven't taken a breath in so long.  Now, I feel like everything is easing up, soon to fall into place.  My Dream Child is coming home.

I had a little bit of money left over that was meant to go towards the postage I spent on mailing the others out, but this morning, I found an American Girl trunk for $35 BIN and $20 in postage, so I am thrilled!  I had not planned on looking for one until I had sold more, but I pressed the button and BOOM...it was mine!  Or, rather, Seola's!  lol.  I still can't believe the price.  I am a little startled that I did that, especially since I have no idea if we will bond.  I have a lot of hopes and dreams pinned on this poor girl. 

Last night I mulled over my lists of names for her.  Husband thinks I ought to give her a Danish name, I am leaning towards a very simple name, perhaps not traditional at all.  I keep looking at the pink wig, but then I think of her looking real, not ethereal.  In my mind I see her in the auburn bob or the dark brown pixie cut.  There is a photo of Seola on the website with the brown pixie hair, one with long straight hair with bangs and I have an owner photo with a bob.  I have these 3 styles of wigs already, plus two lambs wool.  I also have brown, green, dark grey, plum and I ordered a pair of blue just in case.  These all should be able to create a look for her on short time (I will have to give her a faceup and her look within 5 days).  Yes.....I am dreaming and scheming!

So far, she will have a starter wardrobe that includes about 4 dresses I made, 2 short ready made summer dresses, a pair of capri's, about 4 dress shoes, a pair of tennis shoes and a pair of sandals.  I have a red flannel nighty for winter, so I guess the only things I need to make are a pair of jeans, shorts and summer tops and a summer nighty and a swim suit.  Oh, and I made a red sweater set, she can have that too.  Of course, only if they all fit. We are going to have so much fun trying on clothes!

Olivia takes to the truck like a duck in water.  She is making us both laugh.  Just taken a few moments ago in Utah:

Olivia and the Bear

Olivia in the Truck Window

Olivia catching a few rays with sun block lotion

The Pig Pad

We are back on the road today.  It was both overwhelming and joyous in my dolly world in the last week.  Strangely, ever since the decision was made, I found myself relaxing, which is something I have not felt in such a long time.  I like this feeling!  No regrets.

It was difficult in some ways, to play with Evie while on hometime.  I spent an entire day with her where I carried her around and even held her during a movie.  I use to do this when it was just her and I.  It had some feelings of remembrance to it, but in other ways, it felt forced.  There were times I almost got a glimpse of her, but mostly, I felt as though I were looking at an old photograph, a moment in time that is now in the past.  She is such a lovely girl.  I can still look at her and smile.  Funny ol' Evie.  I wish she would come back.  I played with changing her clothes, her wigs, taking photo's, talking to her, it was just not the same.  I did feel sadness about it.  I suppose one can't change one's life so dramatically and expect everything to stay the same.  Perceptions evolve with the changes.

It was not as hard as I thought it would be to pack up Evan and Aloe Vera.  He was always the one attached to Evie, so we didn't bond.  Aloe Vera represented all my dreams and hopes about retiring in Ireland, so once we changed that dream, she faded for me.  I don't know why I could let go, there was a time I thought it would never happen.  Yet, these two brought me the money to adopt Dollstown Seola, so what can I say, but that I am ever so grateful for the opportunity to be able to meet my dream child through their departures.  It could never have happened otherwise.

Yesterday, I was able to send the adoption fee to Dollstown and I took a deep breath and thought about what this will all mean to me.  I talked a little about it with my husband, telling him that if she is the one, I would let go of the rest, but he was not really buying it.  Can't fault him for that, addicts are never believed until their word is proven by time.  So I reflected on that....it is true, I am a dolly addict and seek the pleasure they give me, over and over again.  But I also can see the damage that happens to my sense of well-being, when too many dolls pushes me beyond my own tolerance level. 

As I was packing up what I needed for the truck, I just couldn't bring myself to bring Audrey or Evie as I had half hoped to.  I realized that just for now, I needed to disconnect a bit, to take a break from them.  I grabbed Olivia the Pig and a few of her things.  I needed a change of pace and one that was cheerful.

Yesterday, before leaving, I took her swimming in our pool:

Yes, Olivia cheers me like no other.  She is completely oblivious to strife and stress.  Even on the truck, she is so easily occupied...bringing her big screen TV and sitting in the luxuriant comfort of her Pig Pad.

Yes, the pillow says, Kiss my tiara.  Sigh.   Husband adores her.

The Decision, the New Direction is Now Set.

I have had a good home time this time around.  Although it started out overwhelming as I was determined to sort through the dolly stuff, (and it's not completely done yet) I ended up feeling so much better, getting an idea about what there was, what I could let go of and so on.  My ebay auctions went better than expected and I now officially have the funds for Seola.  I really didn't think it would be this soon.

As I have already mentioned all of this on my doll group, I want to get it recorded here on my blog too.  This is a huge deal to me, much like making a major decision that can have rippling effects.  The decision to go after my dream child and one and only concept was just the right choice for me and the right time to do it.

I am glad that I waited until now.  I think when I first got Evie (I think in 2006 or 08?) I was at the point of just wanting a one and only and it felt so good for awhile.  I was just getting back into dolls since childhood and I know now that I needed to experience more dolls, more types....the materials they were made of, the sizes, the shapes and the abilities of movement.  I went through quite a few, each bringing me a delight, but I would soon be onto the next bit of eye candy.  I am not good at leaving dolls unattended.  I feel guilt.  I kept thinking that I would soon settle down with a few dolls, but the next one that caught my eye had to be experienced.  What a crazy world I was living in.  Just not really what I want.

The experience was good for me, though.  I learned to sew in the different sizes, to make patterns to body shapes, to grasping how the different sizes can really make a difference in all kinds of ways.  But there was a sad side to it too.  As I brought in more dolls, the distance between Evie and I grew.  There is such an excitement about the newcomer, so much to think of and plan...that I can clearly see now how that can put a dent into our relationship.  The biggest mistake I have made for myself is to think that if I loved one doll, more would be somehow better, when in fact for me, more means discomfort and a sense of overwhelming personalities.  This all goes back into my own childhood, as an only child who played alone (I was never good with others) and how intensive my imaginary world was.  I always had one doll to play with, the rest were characters....like trolls and bears.  I guess that even as an adult, my imagination settles best on a smaller number of personalities.  I recognize that and need to flow with it.

The decision to adopt out my dolls (starting with the ones I played the least with) helped me get to that final decision, to let nearly all of them go.  It helped me move into thinking about that "fresh start", that sense of doing it right this time.  I have come to this final conclusion:

I love sewing antique period type clothing, so keeping my chinahead and Miette will satisfy that need and delight.  They suit that world, I am not forcing a modern doll to take on the persona of my old fashioned dreams.

I love having a single companion doll that can go anywhere with me at any time.  I love the idea of companionship and shared living experiences.  A companion to photograph, to sew and knit for, to find thrift shop things for.  I love a companion that can be flexible in their body, creating a lovely world that she can be a part of, not just propped up against the wall.
 
That companion will be chosen soon.  It will either be Evie, Audrey or the new one, Seola.  After this decision, I will let the others go and move in the direction I know is right for me and my own personality.  I feel a sense of peace just thinking about it.  I will also sell off all the dolly clothing, accessories, furniture and whatnots that that final companion cannot or need not use for themselves, thus reducing my own inventory, allowing for growth in a new direction.  A simplicity that I am seeking.

Here is Evie in the new human hair wig, which I could not quite get the style of just yet.  I may need to wash and style it before it falls into place:

I then tried on the wig I am thinking may suit Seola (but I have two lambs wool I want to try on her too):

But I think I finally agree with Evie, this shorty wig seems to give her a youthful and less adult look:

We have a delay on leaving today.  Usually we are sent to the meat patch in Kansas for a 1-3 day wait while they process the meat, but we got a call that we may be sent to Denver to take a load from another driver this evening and head to California.  I hope so, I would rather sit in the doll room just a bit longer.  lol.

As of this moment, I still have not decided on whom to bring.  My mind is so geared towards Seola now, that I just don't know.  Perhaps Olivia the Pig needs a new adventure.