Monday, May 3, 2010

More Musing

Yesterday I found a whole new source of photo’s of Seola.  I also found a design of the name, it comes from a book that was written in the 1800’s about a woman named Seola.  It has to do with biblical times, sometime around Noah and the flooding.  I didn’t research it further, but liked the book’s cover design:

seola name

Pretty, isn’t it?  Anyways, I added a gazillion new gorgeous photo’s to my Seola folder and put my head phones on, played Vivaldi and watched the slide show of Seola in all her moods, disguises and colours.  I definitely have my favourites, some are really sad, some are mean looking and quite a few look drugged out, but the sweet ones are a pure delight.  They call to me, they look like my Evie once did, before she copped an attitude.

When did Evie get difficult?  We were so happy together for such a long time.  I think it started with Belsant Tower.  When I built that tower and started the stories.  It brought in new dolls, dolls that I expected her to have a relationship with, in the name of the story.  She wore clothes she hated (period costuming), she was given a sad story to work with and she started to get crabby.

I do feel bad about those days.  I admit I was obsessed with the whole Belsant thing and constantly wanted new characters.  I also insisted on her and Silas being together, but she has always hated boys.  She has always hated babysitting too, which meant that anyone that I brought in that was younger than her, she resented.  She has been my most anti-social companion of all.  All the way back in 2007 I remember the time she sat on the picnic table on the patio and confessed to me that she didn’t want the OTHERS, she just wanted to be my companion.  She said she missed us being us.  I felt so guilty, because my addiction to dolls was just cresting at the time.  If I loved Evie so much, couldn’t I love a whole bunch more?

And now, it is finally moving in back into the one and only direction.  It’s really amazing how our lives took this huge turn in 2008 and now the things we all really wanted are possible.  Evie is getting her dearest wish, I am getting mine and even my husband is happy about returning home.  All because of this trucking thing.  When all the doors closed on us, a window opened.  A window full of bright light.

While the last of the details are not finished, I am so incredibly relieved that it will soon be over.  With Evie by my side, I will no longer feel the sadness and angst over leaving anyone behind and abandoned.  With Evie as my companion, I will be content again.  One companion, one life to share. 

Now for Evie’s body.  I was looking at pictures of her older self last night.  Right up to the decision breakthrough, I was unable to consider for more than a few seconds at a time of letting her body go.  For the first time, last night, I didn’t see her in the body!  Whether this is because I have been seeing her in Seola’s body, or my mind has finally accepted the transference, I really don’t know.  I am almost laughing about it, because I have always seen Evie as younger than that adult body.  She has a chance to have a relationship with the two adult males I brought into the house, but nope, not Evie.  She wanted nothing to do with them, except she did like Evan enough to consider him a brother-friend. 

I have been thinking….musing….that Evie may very well be a happier 7 year old than she was as an adult.  She never did feel comfortable in corsets and gowns and finery.  Well, I have my antiques dolls adore the finery and the gowns, so Evie can wear play clothes and be herself, the very thing she always wanted.  Eleven or so more days until she is all mine again.  In a few days, I will prepare the eBay auctions again so that I can mail out while on home time, if any are adopted.  I’ll put links here when I do.  They will be:

Dollzone Ami, Sis, Fei

and Lizzy, the homemade lush.  lol  When I am home, I’ll decide on Evie’s old body and probably do a quick 3 day auction to see if there is interest.

In July I will decide on Audrey and Hammie. They are still the ones I am reluctant to decide their fate.  Audrey in particular.  But my determination to go back to a one an only is so very strong.  The right thing will happen when I am ready for it.  So far, all that I have decided feels so good and so right.  The relief it brings is incredible!

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