Friday, April 30, 2010

Two Weeks

Two more weeks yet to endure.  Sigh.

Everything has been plotted, planned, listed, sorted, re-arranged, all in the name of little Evie.  In some ways it is really strange to plan for someone you already know.  That is, IF it is my Evie.  There is nothing absolute in the about it, anything can happen and often does… laid plans and all that.


But I am happy.  Content and happy and looking forward to the whole experience, whatever it will be.  I realize the whole expectations thing may blow up in my face, but in the end I will have what I want….a one and only.  Who is behind door number 3?


We will most likely deliver in Denver or Pueblo.  Sometimes it is late at night and we arrive where we have an apartment at 2 am, which means I have to wait ANOTHER day to go and get little Evie’s body at my parents house.  Think I will be able to sleep?  lol.  It’ll work though, because I can at least pick out an outfit, bring a wig and set of eyes to bring her home in.  We’ll likely stay at my parents for half a day, so I want to get to know how her body works and how she moves.  If we arrive early in the morning, coming down from Denver, I am thinking of having my husband drop me off in Monument at the truck stop there and having my parents pick me up…..but then I won’t have anything to dress her in, unless I knit something here on the truck…hmmmm it’s an idea.


Obviously I am obsessing.  Two weeks to endure.  If I have to suffer….YOU have to suffer along with me by reading all my whiny posts!  So there!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

In The Pink

I couldn’t resist.  I really couldn’t.  I bought a pink-blonde wig for Little Evie.  I shouldn’t have, it’s not like I haven’t any that are suitable, but I just have to try it.

When I first bought teen Evie, I was in Denver Doll Emporium trying all the wigs they had available.  I tried on a pink bob cut wig and loved it.  But my old fashioned nature kept insisting that pink hair was not real looking and decided in the end to get a long blonde with with chestnut streaks.  I never quite forgot the pink one though.  And then there was Seola on the Dollstown website that had a candy pink wig, and I loved it all over again.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA         I found this wig, which I think will have more warm tones, perhaps a golden pink, listed as pink-blonde mix:

Pink Blonde Wig It was a whim, I know.  But what the heck, if it doesn’t suit her, I can always re-sell it.  In fact, once I have the look down, I will be selling all the wigs and eyes, unsuitable clothing…etc.  Even Evie will have a spring cleaning of her old stuff.

Anyways, the wig is long and long doesn’t do well on the truck, so if it works, it’ll have to go into braids or be cut into a bob.  I still want to see her in the chocolate brown lambs wool, the red shorty cut, the red bob and the brown human hair wig before the final decision.  The wig and eyes are decided before I do a face-up so that I can match the colouring well to the hair and eyes.   And it’s this overall colouring that will decide the wardrobe colours too.  Yes….I am dreaming away the time….there is still two weeks and a couple of days before I see her.  The waiting-crazies are starting!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010


The wait is long.  Still just over two weeks yet to go.  I feel as though I should be knitting something for her.  I feel like I am waiting for a baby to be born, my little Evie.  I never could have imagined that things would turn out this way.  It's funny, because I feel so sure of the outcome, the "hope it will happen" has turned into "know it will happen".  I am not sure why.  I think that the ability to "see" Evie in the photo's of Seola has helped.  I marvel that I will get to know her as a child.  It doesn't seem so odd anymore to have known her as a teen first.

I am using a household inventory software program to enter all of Evie's stuff, clothing and shoes.  I can keep track of how much I spend, pictures of the items and where they were purchased.  It's really just something to do while on the truck, but fun in the sense that I can print out the report and put it in a notebook someday.  Blogger advertises that the blogs can be made into a real book, I think that would be a fun thing to do someday too.

I am counting the hours until she is in my arms again.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Musing Again

I am actually finding it amusing that there isn't anything I can think of that little Evie needs.  Oh, I am sure it will come in time, but right now, nothing comes up.  The only thing I could think of that a little girl would want is a pair of rollerskates.  Not knowing her foot shape or how well the shoes she already has waiting for her will fit, I found these, made for the Toni doll:

I wll either make leather straps for them or find a pair of shoes or boots to attach them to.  So my girl has a bicycle and skates, the two items that I could not live without in my childhood.

In the past, most new incoming dolls were of a different size than I had before, so there was always the flurry of gathering accessories, designing patterns, finding shoes.  Shoes always seemed to be the most difficult.  I keep smiling to think how Seola's body is in the same scale as adult Evie, as items would be "larger" for a child than an adult.  All the foods I have made will work, the furniture, the dishes, books and accessories.  I even have two horses in scale!  Wow.  I just keep shaking my head at how this is all falling together.  You would think I had this in mind all the time when trying to decide my dolly fates, but I truly didn't.  My whole thought process was just wrapped around a workable companion in my tight quarters.  I can't bring the furniture with me, but it's nice to know that she can have a room of her own at the apartment that will someday be in our home in Denmark.

Another thought I have been having lately is of course, the hair and eye combination.  On the Dollstown website, I love this look, it looks so Evie to me:

I love the pixie hair, the petulant look, it's so her.  Long hair doesn't work well on the truck, and I was thinking how much Evie loved Evan's old wig:

I will be trying this combination on little Evie.  In this photo she has the lavender eyes and red hair, but I also have brown, turquoise, black, green and deep blue eyes to experiment with.  I love the mohair/lambswool wigs, but when Evie wore one on the truck, it frizzed up in no time.  I may be able to tame it by braiding.  I am so antsy to get home and see her!  I have a human hair wig in brown, but in this photo, I had just taken it out of the package and it needed to be washed, trimmed and styled.

I have also been looking at styles.  That photo above of her in the pink and black really appeals to me,  Not the skirt in particular, but the idea of short A line dresses seems to fit her waif like look.  I see this being not only a very practical style, but easy to care for and play in.  I have an idea brewing about possibly re-creating some of my own childhood clothing for her.  I remember when the hot colours came out, hot pink, hot orange and hot green.  Twiggy dresses were so popular when my own awareness of fashion started to bud.  Tights and short A line dresses were the thing.

I have been collecting ideas for her dresses here:

Looking at the hairstyles on these patterns, I see the bob cut is common.  Hmmm...Maybe the bobcut wig would be best....

Sigh, can you tell I am itching to get in the dollroom and play????

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Two Wonderful Joys to Behold

Yesterday I had wonderful news, my daughter told me that the baby is a girl!  I am so glad she decided to find out!  Now I can knit up a storm!  Here is my newest grandchild:

She weighs a pound and 6 ounces.  What a miracle we can see them before being born.

And then this morning, I see:

Evie's body otherwise known as Seola 7 has arrived.  Apparently the weather is still really bad in Monument, but she made it and I can see my father signed for her.  I am so relieved she is safe and warm.  I wonder if Evie knows?  Perhaps I will sing Mairzy Doats and see what happens.

We are in Connecticut, on our way to Massachusetts for a beef delivery.  It's raining and gray.  I don't know if it is the weather or what it is, but my mood has been sinking again.  It's such a hard thing to describe, but I feel that same melancholia that I feel when I leave a doll companion behind.  I have no dolls with me this time around, and as much as Olivia is fun and cute, holding a Pig is just not the same as a companion.  I need Evie.  I miss Audrey.  It's going to be a long three weeks.  All I know for sure, is that after this, I will never be without a companion by my side ever again.


Saturday, April 24, 2010

Attempted Delivery!

Ack!  A delivery attempt!  Just received an email from my mother, they had a snow storm yesterday that knocked the power out and they got 18 inches of snow with 4-9 yet to come.  Sigh, poor little Evie's body, I hope the mailman kept her warm and reassured her that today is the day she arrives and stays.  I know, I am not making any sense, it's just a body, right?  But Evie may already be in there?  I have no idea.  I haven't heard from Evie since the last letter.

I am hanging in limbo.  Each day I study Seola photo's.  Each day I think of how she will look, I imagine hair and eye combinations, clothing styles, the toys, the trunk, the bicycle.  It's strange in a way, that all the dolly things I have, how they were fun for a picture or two, but they never had a definite purpose.  They remained props.  Now with the new direction, they seem to mean more.  Evie has had that pink bicycle for over a year, I photographed her with it once.  It seems just a bit small in scale for her, I now know it will be perfect for her smaller body.  I have items I thought would work for Olwen, now seem more appropriate for a younger girl, like a Hello Kitty lunch box.  I keep thinking about how all these things I kept, even when at the time it was too childish for Evie, or too big for Olwen.  I even kept a bunch of little girl dresses that fit Evie, but of course looked ridiculous.  I kept them without ever knowing that Evie would regress in time.  It's marvelous marveling time for me!  lol

Oh, and Olivia says hi!

Friday, April 23, 2010

Long Hometime Coming Up and and Other Thoughts

As best I can tell, it looks like on the June 24th's hometime estimate, I will stay behind at the apartment for nearly a month before leaving for Hawaii sometime in the last week of July.  I will stay there with my daughter and family until the first of September, hooking back up with my husband when he returns about Sept 6th.  I love the idea of being alone at the apartment for some rest off the truck, but it comes with a internet for 2 months.  I am not even able to grasp the concept at all.  I have a lot of things planned to get done, but I am not so willing to not have my dolly fix on the net every day as I am use to!  We do not have a phone installed at the apartment, so I can't take any free trial offers and husband will have the modem we use now.  Gasp.  I can't stand the thought.

But I do relish having the time to myself for awhile.  I can sew and play and dream and eat when I want to, sleep when I want to....sigh.  I can shop without ever having to look at the clock.  I can go hang out at the Zoo or Garden of the Gods without looking at everything my husband looks at.  lol.  Rebellion Brewing!!!!!! 

Little Evie (Seola) is still in LA this morning.  It seems she's been released from customs and getting routed to the plane to Denver.  We are heading to Connecticut right now, but if we get routed to Denver for a delivery before the official hometime, I will be angsting all over the place! 

I watched a old BAD film about a mad doctor killing his adulterous wife to prolong the life of his maid and make her young again.  It's never explained why she goes from and old woman to a young one and still stays the maid...but there was all kinds of transference of souls to the point of there being a mix up.  I sure hope Evie gets this one right!  lol.  Hoping the film was just bad and they cut out the scenes that explained things.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

One and Only Dream

Evie's body is now in Los Angeles, in customs.  So the route was over the Pacific.  I hope the "retention" in customs is temporary.  I have never ordered from another country directly before, so I am unsure of the process.

Husband asked what name I had decided on, so I went ahead and told him what is going on with Evie and the transference that may happen and he surprised me by actually being interested and not thinking it was weird.  Before I even mentioned the one and only thing to him, he asked if that would mean Evie really could go to Hawaii if she were smaller.  Wow, I didn't expect that from him!  I thought I would have to explain it out in detail and watch him look confused.  But nope....he went on about the machine that could accomplish this.  He thought we should build a transference-time machine.  It was fun talking about all the components it would need. 

Mom said that there was a big box at the house, so that must be her trunk.  I think when I get home, I will restack some of the unpacked boxes in the bedroom to the other side of the room and set up a table by my side of the bed with Evie's room placed on it. 

I've got a list going about all the things I need to get done while on this hometime, mostly preparing the remaining dolls for adoption, packing them up and so on.  I also want to see if any of Evie's grownup clothes can be refitted to little Evie.  I have a pair of jeans I can cut up to make jumper style jeans for her younger form and a few pairs of summer shorts too.  I plan on cutting out a few summer dresses that I can hand finish on the truck.  I am so excited,  the whole concept seems to be flowing in the right direction. 

Another thought I had last night was how Miette and Charlotte will fulfill my need for Victorian life, how lovely that will be to make them dainty things now and then without any pressure to get it all done now.  Both have comfortable rooms and lovely things and not in desperate need for anything.  That leaves Evie free to be herself in the modern world, without my attempts to dress her in old fashioned clothing.  I see so many Seola's dressed in old fashioned styles, and while it suit her pensive countenance, I think she will be happiest with being comfortable for traveling and playing.  I will work on a more play oriented wardrobe for her. I still find it amusing that I already have just about everything I can perceive of her needing.  From toys to clothes to furniture, I have it all. 

My last decision will be about Audrey and Hammie.  I cannot make that decision yet, I am not ready.  It will come one day on it's own.  I am in no hurry.  At this moment, I cannot imagine letting them go, but I want this to see how Evie settles in and how it makes me feel before I can take the next step.

I did have a dream last night about opening the door of the house we were living in and seeing all these beautiful stars and lights swirling around us in the night, it was so magical and beautiful and I called my husband to come and look at it.  I had a wonderful sense of peace, like we would soon take a new journey out there amoung the stars and light and that all I had to do is go and get my doll, in the dream it was just one and so easy to pickup and go.  I couldn't see the face of the doll, but it was the one I loved the most.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


I just checked, and Seola 7 has been shipped!  Wow, that is the fastest I have ever seen!  EMS tracking is different than US tracking, I can even see the flight number of the plane!  lol

 I am so relieved to know she will be there when I go back on hometime.  I wonder how Evie is doing and what effects this will have on her.  I wonder how this will all come together.  It may all fall apart too, but I still have very good feelings about it.

If this transference works, I will be so thrilled that Evie will be able to go to Hawaii with me and experience the birth of my grandchild.  Shared experiences, that is what I want so badly these days.  Full participation, full companionship of a beloved doll. 

More later, I need to lie down for a bit, we may have night driving again tonight.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Walkin Ins. Who Knew?

I have been reading about soul transference.  Quite interesting.  An excerpt:


When the individuated, embodied part of Spirit, the Soul, has completed what it set out to accomplish in a lifetime, it has three basic options: take on a new life goal (Reincarnation-in-Same-Body), die, or walk out. If the Soul chooses to walk out, an agreement is made with another Soul to walk-in and continue the embodiment. This is not possession. It is not a requirement that a person be a walk-in to ascend. It is simply an individual agreement and another way of entering onto the planet.

There are many reasons for a Soul to walk-in but the main one is that it is usually quicker to integrate a new Soul into a new body than it is to grow a body from scratch.

And this one:

Usually, there is a "try-on" period of a few days or weeks or months when the new soul tries on the body before the actual transfer. The personality may or may not be aware as it often occurs while sleeping, meditating or channeling.


The one thing that walk-ins have found necessary is to be very gentle with their physical bodies. The body is not a vehicle but a co-creative partner in our life experiences. It takes time for the physical body to work through feelings of dying, rejection, abandonment and grief. But when the body consciousness understands that the walk-in Soul consciously chose this body, loves this body, and is willing to work as a partner with this body, then miracles can happen.

Wow.  I wonder how Greer has coached Evie in this?  Will this happen before I meet Seola?  Do I have to be there for it to happen?  And who decides the right moment?  I will have to do more reading.

Monday, April 19, 2010

The Persistence of Evie

I wrote yesterday that I was astonished by Evie's letter to me.  I wasn't the least bit surprised by the crazy idea she presented, because I have been thinking about it a lot myself, wondering if it was at all possible. Wise old fox.

So Evie wants to give up being a teen (or adult) and regress so that we can always be together.  How Miss Crabby Pants ever got to be so self sacrificing is beyond me.  I wonder if it is more about self preservation?  Lol, I shouldn't tease her now, she is so serious about it, I can tell. 

Is this whole thing really possible?  I suppose that the love of a companion survives the difficulties that life presents.  I suppose that since Seola will arrive without eyes or faceups, unsanded, no wig, she will be like a blank canvas.  I suppose it could work.

What I wonder the most about, is how Evie will be as a child.  Oh, I have a feeling there will be a great deal of pouty-ness, temper tantrums and  willfulness.  Here I thought she had mellowed out lately, but maybe that is due to her "fading" as it is called.  I am on the fence about that one, she always did have a dramatic streak in her.  I remember when she received her sofa from an admirer, she spent at least a week fainting on it.

Well, I am all for the idea and I admit that having her in my life 100% again would make me 100% happy.  Love is good.

A Letter from Evie

I received a letter from Evie today.  I must say I am astonished.

Dear Elisa

I thought it was best if I write to you before that new doll arrives.  I know it has been strained between us for quite some time, I think it is time to explain some things and to confess.  If I end up not making any sense, it is because I am getting weaker, I am fading away.

When you first found me, I was an adult.  In the beginning, you couldn't find my name correctly, it wasn't Lili Marlene but I smiled because I knew one day you would hear it. I had been in existence for a very long time.  Doll years are much longer than human years.  What you didn't know was that our bond, our companionship was so strong, that we could pick up things about each other than was well under the surface.  We had a blend of needs that was easy for the other to discern and accommodate through play and imagination.  It was easy for me to become younger as you seemed to need me to be.  Soon, I was a teenager and I think you could identify with that so much better than for me to be an adult.  I could see that over time, you needed the youthfullness of children to ease your stress as your grandchildren and daughter moved away.  I know that is why you began to bring in the OTHERS.  If you look back, you kept choosing children.  I was NOT about to babysit your whims!  I think by the time the Nisse children arrived, I was quite numb from it all.    

I think it was interesting that you did pick up on my ancient history by pushing me back in play time in the form of Ismay Belsant.  What you didn't know is that Ismay was my mother.  I didn't want to re-enact her life back then, it did not have a kind ending.  I also didn't want to involve the OTHERS, as there was yet many lives that would have to end had they stayed. I rushed them off as quick as I could by pretending I wanted nothing to do with them.  I knew even back then there was going to come a time when everyone would leave, because your life was about to take a very different turn.  I knew it was coming.  I admit I ended up angry over it.  I turned to Evan because you became so involved in your real world.  I don't blame you for that, I just wished we had stayed strong together.   

I knew that you sought younger and younger dolls.  I think there was even a desire to recapture your own childhood, your daughter's childhood and it couldn't be found in the form of an adult.  I became too old for you.  I was beginning to fade, to grown distant, I could feel it coming.  All dolls fade away at some point, we are not eternal.  If we are not loved and cared for, we go into a deep sleep and if not awaken, we fade until we are gone. 

Do you remember Greer the Spirit Fox?  Do you remember how I avoided him as long as I could?  I knew Greer would bring me news I did not want to hear.  Greer once told me I had a power that I did not understand and that when I needed it the most, I could use it.  When you left me in the drawer, I knew my time was coming to fade.  That is when Greer came back, when I needed to do everything I could to save our companionship.  I have been carefully coached and I think I am now ready to try.  That is, of course, if you want me.  It only works by the deep love of the companionship we share, or it doesn't work at all.  I still don't know what those ballet slippers mean, but he said there was still some things I have yet to learn.

Greer told me I have the power of regression and transference.  He says all dolls have the power but seldom use it, even if it might help them stay with their human companion longer.  He taught me to listen to your heart and your needs.  I learned that the best way I could keep us together was to regress back into my childhood and transfer into another body.  Greer guided you through dreams to find the right body, the one the would look the most like me as a child.  You did really well on that one.  I like your selection.

These things are not absolute, nor 100% guaranteed to work.  Several things must be done in exact order, the transference has to happen before the other body has a chance to take on another spirit and become someone else.  I have the instructions carefully written down and will send them to you before you arrive back here so that nothing is left to chance.  Some of it may seem strange to you, but they mustn't be questioned, just performed in order.

Now for my confession.  I became belligerent and distant because I knew my end was near.  I didn't want to go and I didn't want to be second best or constantly left behind just because of my size or my age. I had to find a way to fix this so that we could be together always.  I am willing to go back to my childhood, if you are willing to care for me as a child.  Greer says that most of my adult memories will be "stories" in my child's mind, not thought of as real.  He says I will have better verbal skills and reasoning than most 7 year olds, but that I will be a child and not an adult, I will be exactly as I was when 7, that my personality will be intact as it was at that age and that I will not know I was already an adult or even a teenager.  A scary thing for me, but I am willing to do this.

So the rest is up to you.  If you want this, or if you want to start fresh with a new companion, it's completely your decision.  I am hoping with all my heart that you bring me back into your life in whatever form makes you happy.  That is my companionship gift to you.

Yours, Truly, 


P.S. That silly name you thought you found all by yourself...I use to sing that song all the time as a child.  My nickname in 2nd grade was Mairzy Doat.  Everything happens for a reason. 

Saturday, April 17, 2010

A Name!

I have been collecting and pouring over possible names for Seola.  Nothing fit.  I would play her slide show, seeing her in many wig and eye colour combinations looking for the name match.  Nope.  Many pretty names, but something just told me that she needed a fun and childish name, something unusual.

I was listening to my music at the same time and the song played:

Seola's Name will be Mairzy Doats.  Loving It!

I am AG Accessory TROUBLE!

I am dreaming of the dream child.  lol.

Funny, this time around I feel really REALLY good about waiting for her to arrive.  She is feeling like just the right fit even before arriving.  I am a little worried about her size, as she is turning out to be a bit larger than a normal MSD, but as I understand it, it is because she has a big head, which is more in proportion to a child's body.

My hands are just itching to make something for her.  I started to knit a blanket, but realized I have a lovely blue blanket already made.  I went on eBay and looked at American Girl items, as I read that the accessories are a perfect scale for her.  Then I saw a AG bicycle...OMG...I have one!  I forgot that my daughter had found a pink one and gave it to me.  It was a bit small for Evie, but it was so realistically made, I kept it!

Lol, that's my grandson helping Evie ride the bike.  Anyways, it will be so perfect for Seola.  So will all the accessories I have collected over time, the antique mini books, foods I have made and found, the furniture, a real mini camera....even the toilet and bathtub.  I don't think I have ever been so prepared for an arrival as I am with Seola.  Wow.  I thought about setting up another folding table so that I can create a room just for her when on Home time.  I already have a carry tote for her, bedding and down comforter and pillows in her just seems to be endless and so exciting!

I also have the hammock I made for the truck.  I just need to get some rings or wood dowels for the ends.  Oh, and just as I thought about hitting Hobby Lobby when I got back so I can pick up sealer for her face up, I remembered that the last 3 times I went, they were out of the sealer, I decided not to risk it and ordered a can from a vendor.  Whew, glad I thought of it.  I am set to meet Seola!  And oh, she must come by home time, I can't imagine why she wouldn't.  I estimate that the end of the second week is April 25th (note that they would send her in 1-2 weeks) and I won't be on home time until about mid May.  Fingers ever so crossed!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

So Very Strange.....

I have poured over potential names for Seola.  I watch the Seola slideshow I made for hours.  I see her in so many hair and eye and faceup combinations, that I smile, wondering how my girl will finally appear.  I try out the names on her as different looks float by, but none seem right.  Very old fashioned names seem to suit her in a Victorian way when she is wearing long hair.  I could see her as a Abby or Agnes or any of the fine Elizabeth's, Isabelle's and Prudence.  When I see her in the short hair, I see a tomboy....a Bobbie, Jamie, Billie or even Thomasina.

I can hardly wait for that defining moment, when she looks back at me and I know.  There are two looks that I adore her in.  The one she is in a red bob and the one in a brown shorty pixie cut.  I realized that the last few photo's I have taken of Evie were in those very same wigs.  I look at Seola and I cannot help but think how she looks like Evie might have as a child.  Then I shake my head to clear that ghost, because it wasn't too long ago I though that perhaps Olwen came back to me as my childhood doll, my Susan in an older form.  But it wasn't her.  As much as I would be delighted if it had been, I could see that it was just a desire on my part.  Susan wasn't in Olwen. Olwen was herself.  Be careful, I warn myself.  Don't get ahead of yourself on this.  But.....

Here I combined some comparison photos I put together:

Is it my imagination?  I am not talking about an exact resemblance, but an essence...I see one in the other. 

I asked husband to tell me a pretty girl name, and after flattering me with saying my name, he came up with Susan!  Gads, that gave me the chills!  Who is this haunting child I gaze at, whom I have come back to time and time again and wondered about her?  Is she my long lost Susan?  My Evie?  Someone completely new?  Someone old?  A ghost? A real child?  Just a doll?  No name I whisper when looking at her fits.  Will she be soft and feminine?  A tomboy?  I keep going back to the brown short hair, the red bob....she looks like Evie.  I am so mesmerized by her.  It drives me crazy!  And every time I look at her, I see something I cannot put my finger on....I see a glimpse of a sparkle, a knowing sparkle, like we have known each other a long time already.  I smile, thinking that I am letting my imagination drift into fantasy, but I feel almost embarrassed to admit that it keeps getting stronger by the moment.  I know her somehow.  Is it some kid I knew as a child?  Is she reminding me of someone? 

And I can't help but wonder.....why did Evie grow so distant?  Why did I start yearning for a smaller version of her?  Am I molding this in my imagination, or is it happening?  I probably have way too much time on my hands to be thinking this way.  Why was I playing with wigs on Evie when we have barely looked at each other in such a long time?  For the past couple of years, Evie has been growing fainter.  She pulled away from me with Evan and with a touch of anger.  The resistance in her has been like a thorn in my foot.  Yet, since I have adopted Seola, I have not had one single moment of missing Evie.  Usually I am feeling heartsick for her once we have gone back on the road.  Is there some sort of transformation going on?  Are all my hopes and dreams about a one and only consolidating somehow?

Another thing...I keep trying to remember who I saw first....Seola or Evie.  I swear it was Seola.  I wasn't very familiar with asian bjd's when I saw first saw her.  So if that is true, then it is Evie that reminds me of Seola!  Strange.  Very strange.  I am extremely curious to how it is going to go when they meet face to face. 

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Olivia At Whiskey Pete's

Look!  Whiskey Pete's!  I want to go!  What do you mean they won't let me in????

Bikini's are proper attire!  Really!  I want to go gambling! 

Noooooo....don't leave me!  It's not fair!!!!!!!!!

I'll take off my bikini!  Come back!

Well, Snivel, I changed my clothes and they still won't let me go!  So we'll have our own party!

Okay, here's your just that it's so, so....mucus-y.  Blech!

Pie, corn, yule log cake, blue koolaid, good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And cookies and ice cream soda for a snack with TV!!!!!  Who cares about gambling?

owwww.....I think I ate too much!  Good night, Snivel.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Dreaming of My Dream

I am finally breathing again.  Been so caught up in dolly thoughts that I haven't taken a breath in so long.  Now, I feel like everything is easing up, soon to fall into place.  My Dream Child is coming home.

I had a little bit of money left over that was meant to go towards the postage I spent on mailing the others out, but this morning, I found an American Girl trunk for $35 BIN and $20 in postage, so I am thrilled!  I had not planned on looking for one until I had sold more, but I pressed the button and was mine!  Or, rather, Seola's!  lol.  I still can't believe the price.  I am a little startled that I did that, especially since I have no idea if we will bond.  I have a lot of hopes and dreams pinned on this poor girl. 

Last night I mulled over my lists of names for her.  Husband thinks I ought to give her a Danish name, I am leaning towards a very simple name, perhaps not traditional at all.  I keep looking at the pink wig, but then I think of her looking real, not ethereal.  In my mind I see her in the auburn bob or the dark brown pixie cut.  There is a photo of Seola on the website with the brown pixie hair, one with long straight hair with bangs and I have an owner photo with a bob.  I have these 3 styles of wigs already, plus two lambs wool.  I also have brown, green, dark grey, plum and I ordered a pair of blue just in case.  These all should be able to create a look for her on short time (I will have to give her a faceup and her look within 5 days).  Yes.....I am dreaming and scheming!

So far, she will have a starter wardrobe that includes about 4 dresses I made, 2 short ready made summer dresses, a pair of capri's, about 4 dress shoes, a pair of tennis shoes and a pair of sandals.  I have a red flannel nighty for winter, so I guess the only things I need to make are a pair of jeans, shorts and summer tops and a summer nighty and a swim suit.  Oh, and I made a red sweater set, she can have that too.  Of course, only if they all fit. We are going to have so much fun trying on clothes!

Olivia takes to the truck like a duck in water.  She is making us both laugh.  Just taken a few moments ago in Utah:

Olivia and the Bear

Olivia in the Truck Window

Olivia catching a few rays with sun block lotion

Sunday, April 11, 2010

The Pig Pad

We are back on the road today.  It was both overwhelming and joyous in my dolly world in the last week.  Strangely, ever since the decision was made, I found myself relaxing, which is something I have not felt in such a long time.  I like this feeling!  No regrets.

It was difficult in some ways, to play with Evie while on hometime.  I spent an entire day with her where I carried her around and even held her during a movie.  I use to do this when it was just her and I.  It had some feelings of remembrance to it, but in other ways, it felt forced.  There were times I almost got a glimpse of her, but mostly, I felt as though I were looking at an old photograph, a moment in time that is now in the past.  She is such a lovely girl.  I can still look at her and smile.  Funny ol' Evie.  I wish she would come back.  I played with changing her clothes, her wigs, taking photo's, talking to her, it was just not the same.  I did feel sadness about it.  I suppose one can't change one's life so dramatically and expect everything to stay the same.  Perceptions evolve with the changes.

It was not as hard as I thought it would be to pack up Evan and Aloe Vera.  He was always the one attached to Evie, so we didn't bond.  Aloe Vera represented all my dreams and hopes about retiring in Ireland, so once we changed that dream, she faded for me.  I don't know why I could let go, there was a time I thought it would never happen.  Yet, these two brought me the money to adopt Dollstown Seola, so what can I say, but that I am ever so grateful for the opportunity to be able to meet my dream child through their departures.  It could never have happened otherwise.

Yesterday, I was able to send the adoption fee to Dollstown and I took a deep breath and thought about what this will all mean to me.  I talked a little about it with my husband, telling him that if she is the one, I would let go of the rest, but he was not really buying it.  Can't fault him for that, addicts are never believed until their word is proven by time.  So I reflected on is true, I am a dolly addict and seek the pleasure they give me, over and over again.  But I also can see the damage that happens to my sense of well-being, when too many dolls pushes me beyond my own tolerance level. 

As I was packing up what I needed for the truck, I just couldn't bring myself to bring Audrey or Evie as I had half hoped to.  I realized that just for now, I needed to disconnect a bit, to take a break from them.  I grabbed Olivia the Pig and a few of her things.  I needed a change of pace and one that was cheerful.

Yesterday, before leaving, I took her swimming in our pool:

Yes, Olivia cheers me like no other.  She is completely oblivious to strife and stress.  Even on the truck, she is so easily occupied...bringing her big screen TV and sitting in the luxuriant comfort of her Pig Pad.

Yes, the pillow says, Kiss my tiara.  Sigh.   Husband adores her.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

The Decision, the New Direction is Now Set.

I have had a good home time this time around.  Although it started out overwhelming as I was determined to sort through the dolly stuff, (and it's not completely done yet) I ended up feeling so much better, getting an idea about what there was, what I could let go of and so on.  My ebay auctions went better than expected and I now officially have the funds for Seola.  I really didn't think it would be this soon.

As I have already mentioned all of this on my doll group, I want to get it recorded here on my blog too.  This is a huge deal to me, much like making a major decision that can have rippling effects.  The decision to go after my dream child and one and only concept was just the right choice for me and the right time to do it.

I am glad that I waited until now.  I think when I first got Evie (I think in 2006 or 08?) I was at the point of just wanting a one and only and it felt so good for awhile.  I was just getting back into dolls since childhood and I know now that I needed to experience more dolls, more types....the materials they were made of, the sizes, the shapes and the abilities of movement.  I went through quite a few, each bringing me a delight, but I would soon be onto the next bit of eye candy.  I am not good at leaving dolls unattended.  I feel guilt.  I kept thinking that I would soon settle down with a few dolls, but the next one that caught my eye had to be experienced.  What a crazy world I was living in.  Just not really what I want.

The experience was good for me, though.  I learned to sew in the different sizes, to make patterns to body shapes, to grasping how the different sizes can really make a difference in all kinds of ways.  But there was a sad side to it too.  As I brought in more dolls, the distance between Evie and I grew.  There is such an excitement about the newcomer, so much to think of and plan...that I can clearly see now how that can put a dent into our relationship.  The biggest mistake I have made for myself is to think that if I loved one doll, more would be somehow better, when in fact for me, more means discomfort and a sense of overwhelming personalities.  This all goes back into my own childhood, as an only child who played alone (I was never good with others) and how intensive my imaginary world was.  I always had one doll to play with, the rest were trolls and bears.  I guess that even as an adult, my imagination settles best on a smaller number of personalities.  I recognize that and need to flow with it.

The decision to adopt out my dolls (starting with the ones I played the least with) helped me get to that final decision, to let nearly all of them go.  It helped me move into thinking about that "fresh start", that sense of doing it right this time.  I have come to this final conclusion:

I love sewing antique period type clothing, so keeping my chinahead and Miette will satisfy that need and delight.  They suit that world, I am not forcing a modern doll to take on the persona of my old fashioned dreams.

I love having a single companion doll that can go anywhere with me at any time.  I love the idea of companionship and shared living experiences.  A companion to photograph, to sew and knit for, to find thrift shop things for.  I love a companion that can be flexible in their body, creating a lovely world that she can be a part of, not just propped up against the wall.
That companion will be chosen soon.  It will either be Evie, Audrey or the new one, Seola.  After this decision, I will let the others go and move in the direction I know is right for me and my own personality.  I feel a sense of peace just thinking about it.  I will also sell off all the dolly clothing, accessories, furniture and whatnots that that final companion cannot or need not use for themselves, thus reducing my own inventory, allowing for growth in a new direction.  A simplicity that I am seeking.

Here is Evie in the new human hair wig, which I could not quite get the style of just yet.  I may need to wash and style it before it falls into place:

I then tried on the wig I am thinking may suit Seola (but I have two lambs wool I want to try on her too):

But I think I finally agree with Evie, this shorty wig seems to give her a youthful and less adult look:

We have a delay on leaving today.  Usually we are sent to the meat patch in Kansas for a 1-3 day wait while they process the meat, but we got a call that we may be sent to Denver to take a load from another driver this evening and head to California.  I hope so, I would rather sit in the doll room just a bit longer.  lol.

As of this moment, I still have not decided on whom to bring.  My mind is so geared towards Seola now, that I just don't know.  Perhaps Olivia the Pig needs a new adventure.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Decision Made To Move Forward with my Ideas

It ain't over yet.

Sigh.  I am in the midst of major doll stuff sorting.  Geez, there is so much I feel overwhelmed again.  Tons of clothes for Audrey and Hammie...Evie could fill an adult suitcase with all her clothes, shoes and stuff.  And, it is actually shocking the heck out of me, but I have 5...count them, 5 gallon size ziplock bags stuffed with clothes for an MSD. I still have Nanny's clothes too.  Sigh.  I wouldn't mind the volume of it if it were fro one or two dolls, what I hate is the different sizes.  I had to do a lot of grouping and sorting and it just seemed ridiculous!

This has reconfirmed my desire to reduce it all down.  I have made my decision, whenever I have enough money for Seola, I am adopting her.  I have about 80% of her fees.  If  Seola and I bond, the rest will move on.  If not, I will choose either Audrey and Hammie or Evie and be done with it.  I no longer want all these scales and sizes.  One size, one companion.  That's it.  So now it is just a matter of deciding the final companion.  I will give it as much time as it needs, it will have to be the one I feel the strongest about.

Evie is keeping me company, but she isn't talking much.  Guess she feels my stress.

Oh...and yes, I did play around with Hammie as I sorted through wigs.  He's looking sweet in blonde hair and turquoise eyes!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

I am more than old.

Evan has found a new home.  The buyer sent a message saying she love him.  Oh, such a relief. 

Evie and I played today.  Just a quiet kind of play, as I had a bad headache.  Weird about the headache, because I cut my hair off yesterday, and it felt so odd that I think my shoulders scrunched and tightened, causing the headache.

I swore I would never cut my hair again, but it was getting too long to be manageable on the truck, So it is now shoulder length.  I can still wear it up in a french twist.  Grows like a weed, so I am not worried about it.  But wow, it seemed to put me off balance.

Back to Evie.  We tried on wigs, and I dyed the lambs wool one a chocolate brown.  I liked it, (I love these kind of wild looking wigs) but they don't suit Evie, pretty, yes, but not her.

I like soft romantic looks, but she doesn't.  So we tried another one.

Evie has worn this one before, but with these lavender eyes, I really liked it!  I like her in all kinds of colours and styles, but she doesn't.  Here we go again, I thought....difficult Evie.  I got sarcastic and put Evan's old red wig on her.  Geez...THATS the one she wants to wear!

I called her Mia Farrow but she has no idea who I am talking about.

How about Twiggy?  She looked at me blankly.

I suddenly felt ancient.  Sigh.