Monday, April 19, 2010

A Letter from Evie

I received a letter from Evie today.  I must say I am astonished.

Dear Elisa

I thought it was best if I write to you before that new doll arrives.  I know it has been strained between us for quite some time, I think it is time to explain some things and to confess.  If I end up not making any sense, it is because I am getting weaker, I am fading away.

When you first found me, I was an adult.  In the beginning, you couldn't find my name correctly, it wasn't Lili Marlene but I smiled because I knew one day you would hear it. I had been in existence for a very long time.  Doll years are much longer than human years.  What you didn't know was that our bond, our companionship was so strong, that we could pick up things about each other than was well under the surface.  We had a blend of needs that was easy for the other to discern and accommodate through play and imagination.  It was easy for me to become younger as you seemed to need me to be.  Soon, I was a teenager and I think you could identify with that so much better than for me to be an adult.  I could see that over time, you needed the youthfullness of children to ease your stress as your grandchildren and daughter moved away.  I know that is why you began to bring in the OTHERS.  If you look back, you kept choosing children.  I was NOT about to babysit your whims!  I think by the time the Nisse children arrived, I was quite numb from it all.    

I think it was interesting that you did pick up on my ancient history by pushing me back in play time in the form of Ismay Belsant.  What you didn't know is that Ismay was my mother.  I didn't want to re-enact her life back then, it did not have a kind ending.  I also didn't want to involve the OTHERS, as there was yet many lives that would have to end had they stayed. I rushed them off as quick as I could by pretending I wanted nothing to do with them.  I knew even back then there was going to come a time when everyone would leave, because your life was about to take a very different turn.  I knew it was coming.  I admit I ended up angry over it.  I turned to Evan because you became so involved in your real world.  I don't blame you for that, I just wished we had stayed strong together.   

I knew that you sought younger and younger dolls.  I think there was even a desire to recapture your own childhood, your daughter's childhood and it couldn't be found in the form of an adult.  I became too old for you.  I was beginning to fade, to grown distant, I could feel it coming.  All dolls fade away at some point, we are not eternal.  If we are not loved and cared for, we go into a deep sleep and if not awaken, we fade until we are gone. 

Do you remember Greer the Spirit Fox?  Do you remember how I avoided him as long as I could?  I knew Greer would bring me news I did not want to hear.  Greer once told me I had a power that I did not understand and that when I needed it the most, I could use it.  When you left me in the drawer, I knew my time was coming to fade.  That is when Greer came back, when I needed to do everything I could to save our companionship.  I have been carefully coached and I think I am now ready to try.  That is, of course, if you want me.  It only works by the deep love of the companionship we share, or it doesn't work at all.  I still don't know what those ballet slippers mean, but he said there was still some things I have yet to learn.

Greer told me I have the power of regression and transference.  He says all dolls have the power but seldom use it, even if it might help them stay with their human companion longer.  He taught me to listen to your heart and your needs.  I learned that the best way I could keep us together was to regress back into my childhood and transfer into another body.  Greer guided you through dreams to find the right body, the one the would look the most like me as a child.  You did really well on that one.  I like your selection.

These things are not absolute, nor 100% guaranteed to work.  Several things must be done in exact order, the transference has to happen before the other body has a chance to take on another spirit and become someone else.  I have the instructions carefully written down and will send them to you before you arrive back here so that nothing is left to chance.  Some of it may seem strange to you, but they mustn't be questioned, just performed in order.

Now for my confession.  I became belligerent and distant because I knew my end was near.  I didn't want to go and I didn't want to be second best or constantly left behind just because of my size or my age. I had to find a way to fix this so that we could be together always.  I am willing to go back to my childhood, if you are willing to care for me as a child.  Greer says that most of my adult memories will be "stories" in my child's mind, not thought of as real.  He says I will have better verbal skills and reasoning than most 7 year olds, but that I will be a child and not an adult, I will be exactly as I was when 7, that my personality will be intact as it was at that age and that I will not know I was already an adult or even a teenager.  A scary thing for me, but I am willing to do this.

So the rest is up to you.  If you want this, or if you want to start fresh with a new companion, it's completely your decision.  I am hoping with all my heart that you bring me back into your life in whatever form makes you happy.  That is my companionship gift to you.

Yours, Truly, 


P.S. That silly name you thought you found all by yourself...I use to sing that song all the time as a child.  My nickname in 2nd grade was Mairzy Doat.  Everything happens for a reason. 

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