Sunday, April 11, 2010

The Pig Pad

We are back on the road today.  It was both overwhelming and joyous in my dolly world in the last week.  Strangely, ever since the decision was made, I found myself relaxing, which is something I have not felt in such a long time.  I like this feeling!  No regrets.

It was difficult in some ways, to play with Evie while on hometime.  I spent an entire day with her where I carried her around and even held her during a movie.  I use to do this when it was just her and I.  It had some feelings of remembrance to it, but in other ways, it felt forced.  There were times I almost got a glimpse of her, but mostly, I felt as though I were looking at an old photograph, a moment in time that is now in the past.  She is such a lovely girl.  I can still look at her and smile.  Funny ol' Evie.  I wish she would come back.  I played with changing her clothes, her wigs, taking photo's, talking to her, it was just not the same.  I did feel sadness about it.  I suppose one can't change one's life so dramatically and expect everything to stay the same.  Perceptions evolve with the changes.

It was not as hard as I thought it would be to pack up Evan and Aloe Vera.  He was always the one attached to Evie, so we didn't bond.  Aloe Vera represented all my dreams and hopes about retiring in Ireland, so once we changed that dream, she faded for me.  I don't know why I could let go, there was a time I thought it would never happen.  Yet, these two brought me the money to adopt Dollstown Seola, so what can I say, but that I am ever so grateful for the opportunity to be able to meet my dream child through their departures.  It could never have happened otherwise.

Yesterday, I was able to send the adoption fee to Dollstown and I took a deep breath and thought about what this will all mean to me.  I talked a little about it with my husband, telling him that if she is the one, I would let go of the rest, but he was not really buying it.  Can't fault him for that, addicts are never believed until their word is proven by time.  So I reflected on is true, I am a dolly addict and seek the pleasure they give me, over and over again.  But I also can see the damage that happens to my sense of well-being, when too many dolls pushes me beyond my own tolerance level. 

As I was packing up what I needed for the truck, I just couldn't bring myself to bring Audrey or Evie as I had half hoped to.  I realized that just for now, I needed to disconnect a bit, to take a break from them.  I grabbed Olivia the Pig and a few of her things.  I needed a change of pace and one that was cheerful.

Yesterday, before leaving, I took her swimming in our pool:

Yes, Olivia cheers me like no other.  She is completely oblivious to strife and stress.  Even on the truck, she is so easily occupied...bringing her big screen TV and sitting in the luxuriant comfort of her Pig Pad.

Yes, the pillow says, Kiss my tiara.  Sigh.   Husband adores her.

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