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Moving This Blog to Another Account

I have had enough troubles with the email account that I started this blog with.  It seems once a yahoo email gets snarled, it is impossible to untangle.  Everything contained here has been moved to here

Which is the same name of this blog.  Sigh.  All the posts were saved and moved, this one will be deleted in a couple of days.

You will need to sign up again if you are a member or watcher.  If you belong to mycompaniondoll group on yahoo groups, you will automatically get an update when I post.

She’s Got Me Wrapped Around Her Little Pinky!

Pink, I am obsessed with pink.  I use to hate pink.  Trucking has ruined me.  I seek the feminine now.

I start gaze these photos:

 

I always tend to go with a more real look, but I am having a hard time resisting this pinky innocence.

I couldn’t find any white eyelashes that I thought would work, so I found PINK!

Here I invest in a pink wig and lashes, but will most likely go with another colour.  Still, I must try it, even if only briefly.

The auctions are up.

DZ Sis

DZ Ami

DZ Fei

DIM Eunbi

Silly Lizzy

 

Sis already has a bid on her.  Still, I am more anxious about getting home right now that I am about the changes.  I am sure it will hit me hard sooner or later.  I am still sure I am doing the right thing, but I can’t help but be sad about it.

Think pink, think pink……

The countdown begins!

10, 9, 8…..Well, sort of.  Actually I am hoping it will be 7 more days or less.  We are taking a meat load to the Bronx, NYC, due on May 8th.  Then it will be one long haul or two short hauls in order to get us home close to the 15th as they can.  It all depends on where we are and if there is a load to take to Colorado.  This only becomes a huge deal when I have something at home waiting for me!  Yes, I am obsessing and becoming a bore about it.

I have been envisioning how it will all be when we arrive.  What to do first, to be ever so ready to open the box.  Yes, it gets crazy like this when you have too much time on your hands.  I HAVE to do something!

I am still thinking of eye and hair combinations.

• Pink-blonde hair with blue, lavender, cream or dark grey eyes.
• Soft beige blonde hair with blue, lavender, cream or brown eyes.
• Auburn hair with green, blue or lavender eyes.
• Dark brown hair with brown, blue or dark grey eyes.

Then there’s short hair, long hair, bob or wild curls to think about.  So many things to yet discover about her.  Hanging in limbo is so annoying!  I want to play NOW!

While I had promised myself not to buy another thing for Evie, I found a pattern I could not resist.  Click to enlarge.

I don’t need a pattern for the puffy dresses, but I like the two plaid dresses, the sailor outfits and the adorable blue coat and cap.  Evie will be 18 inches tall and thinner than this pattern will be (for 19 inch dolls, Toni) but I can adjust the pattern and if nothing else, see what the shape of the pattern pieces are and make my own.  I like the style and shape of the clothes and I think they will suit Little Evie very well.

The Many Faces of Evie

Nothing new.  Just waiting.  And waiting for the days to pass in order to get to my Evie.  I read this morning on DOA some wonderful comments about Seola and her posing.  I read that many feel that Dollstown sculpts have so many expressions that seem to change.  I like that.  My hopes are hoping that I have found what I have been seeking.

I like unusual faces.  I like quirky looks.  I was looking at my Blue Book for Dolls and loved so many wonderful faces that just beamed with personality.  I would like Evie to beam again, to shine in her new body, to be herself.  When I do her faceup, I will be asking her guidance to make her as she wishes to be.  I know Evie likes plain and soft.  I have done her face so many times, I just know what she will look like.  The one face up that she had when she traveled with me on the truck was interesting because I think it reflected how she was feeling, alienated and estranged.  How has Evie evolved?  I do not have access to her many photo's on this computer, but I do have her very first photo session after I brought her back from Denver Doll in 2006:

She had a ski jump nose and an anime style faceup by DIM.  Here is a clearer photo:

She's had all kinds of changes since these first photo's.  Her faceups have been pale and pinkish, dark and brooding and everything in between.  But always, always, she would look like my Evie, as though I could see her at every stage of life.  Sometimes she looked like a young teen, other times she looked like an adult.

She has been as changeable as the wind. Soft and sweet, crabby and disagreeable.  She's been the best companion as far as a relationship goes, but I feel as though I don't know her as well as I could.  Between my preoccupation with my own lifestyle change and her withdrawal in the last year, we have some making up to do!  I have been wondering if her younger self will bring out more nurturing in me?  More cheerfulness in her? Will things blossom and grow between us when there aren't any others to interfere?  Will she play more?  Participate more?  Be happier? More crabby and sulky?  lol.  I feel her presence so strongly, it seems to grow by the day.

I think about the last time I was on home time, when I held her and played with wig changes, when I tried to feel a sense of her and she was barely there.  Like a ghost, she was just a whisper of a remembrance.  I didn't know what to think or to do.  She says she is fading, and I understand.  I think a revival is in order!

More Musing

Yesterday I found a whole new source of photo’s of Seola.  I also found a design of the name, it comes from a book that was written in the 1800’s about a woman named Seola.  It has to do with biblical times, sometime around Noah and the flooding.  I didn’t research it further, but liked the book’s cover design:

Pretty, isn’t it?  Anyways, I added a gazillion new gorgeous photo’s to my Seola folder and put my head phones on, played Vivaldi and watched the slide show of Seola in all her moods, disguises and colours.  I definitely have my favourites, some are really sad, some are mean looking and quite a few look drugged out, but the sweet ones are a pure delight.  They call to me, they look like my Evie once did, before she copped an attitude.

When did Evie get difficult?  We were so happy together for such a long time.  I think it started with Belsant Tower.  When I built that tower and started the stories.  It brought in new dolls, dolls that I expected her to have a relationship with, in the name of the story.  She wore clothes she hated (period costuming), she was given a sad story to work with and she started to get crabby.

I do feel bad about those days.  I admit I was obsessed with the whole Belsant thing and constantly wanted new characters.  I also insisted on her and Silas being together, but she has always hated boys.  She has always hated babysitting too, which meant that anyone that I brought in that was younger than her, she resented.  She has been my most anti-social companion of all.  All the way back in 2007 I remember the time she sat on the picnic table on the patio and confessed to me that she didn’t want the OTHERS, she just wanted to be my companion.  She said she missed us being us.  I felt so guilty, because my addiction to dolls was just cresting at the time.  If I loved Evie so much, couldn’t I love a whole bunch more?

And now, it is finally moving in back into the one and only direction.  It’s really amazing how our lives took this huge turn in 2008 and now the things we all really wanted are possible.  Evie is getting her dearest wish, I am getting mine and even my husband is happy about returning home.  All because of this trucking thing.  When all the doors closed on us, a window opened.  A window full of bright light.

While the last of the details are not finished, I am so incredibly relieved that it will soon be over.  With Evie by my side, I will no longer feel the sadness and angst over leaving anyone behind and abandoned.  With Evie as my companion, I will be content again.  One companion, one life to share. 

Now for Evie’s body.  I was looking at pictures of her older self last night.  Right up to the decision breakthrough, I was unable to consider for more than a few seconds at a time of letting her body go.  For the first time, last night, I didn’t see her in the body!  Whether this is because I have been seeing her in Seola’s body, or my mind has finally accepted the transference, I really don’t know.  I am almost laughing about it, because I have always seen Evie as younger than that adult body.  She has a chance to have a relationship with the two adult males I brought into the house, but nope, not Evie.  She wanted nothing to do with them, except she did like Evan enough to consider him a brother-friend. 

I have been thinking….musing….that Evie may very well be a happier 7 year old than she was as an adult.  She never did feel comfortable in corsets and gowns and finery.  Well, I have my antiques dolls adore the finery and the gowns, so Evie can wear play clothes and be herself, the very thing she always wanted.  Eleven or so more days until she is all mine again.  In a few days, I will prepare the eBay auctions again so that I can mail out while on home time, if any are adopted.  I’ll put links here when I do.  They will be:

Dollzone Ami, Sis, Fei

and Lizzy, the homemade lush.  lol  When I am home, I’ll decide on Evie’s old body and probably do a quick 3 day auction to see if there is interest.

In July I will decide on Audrey and Hammie. They are still the ones I am reluctant to decide their fate.  Audrey in particular.  But my determination to go back to a one an only is so very strong.  The right thing will happen when I am ready for it.  So far, all that I have decided feels so good and so right.  The relief it brings is incredible!

Tutorials Ahead

I have the memory of a sieve.  I just remembered more things that I have for little Evie.  Like vintage Crissy shoes, a vintage plaid cape (and other misc vintage clothing) and a toilet!  lol.

I will do a complete tutorial on doing a face up and body blushing.  Stay tuned around the 15th of this month.  I'll show it step by step and the way to shade and blend colours.  I will be using dry pastels, pencils and white shimmer powder.  I will be also using Testers Dullcote for the sealer.  The body blushing will be to enhance realism and geared towards lasting through heavy play.  I will also do a manicure in the french style, natural pink with white tips and moon, with shading around the nail bed.  So if you are interested....I'll post a better date when I know the day I can sit and work it all out.  I'll photo it in steps as it happens.  Oh, and I will be re-shaping one hand in order for her to hold a pencil and a spoon, so if you are interesting in how that's done, I'll do a tutorial on that.  If she needs sueding, I get that photographed too.

I have been gazing at my space (bunk bed) on the truck, imagining how I will manage her with me.  I think that I will use a long and narrow container I have for a bed, not sure what to call it.  It is leather like, firmly shaped (hard bottom) with a firm short strap.  Sort of something one would put yarn or magazines in.  I think it would made a good bed and there is a place by my head that it would fit.

See where the black case is?  I think it would fit there.  When I sleep, I toss the two big pillows to the side and have a feather pillow underneath, so that whole area is open and there is plenty of room.  I can make a mattress and pillow for the container, perhaps s few pockets on the inside for her books and toys.

 

It is similar to this item, only oval in shape and with the strap going over the middle to the other side with a buckle. 

It should protect her while I sleep, but keep her near.  I tried hanging up the hammock I made for big Evie, but it takes up too much room.

I am also thinking that I will limit what she brings with her, in the small suitcase I have used before.  Clothing and accessories can be switched out as needed.  Back at the apartment, I am planning on setting up a small work table as her "room", putting all the furniture there for her to have a place to place while I sew.

I am not going to put little Evie in a particular era, she will be in the present time, but I do want to make clothing fairly similar to the 1960's,  like the clothing I wore. Since I have my Victorians (Miette and Charlotte) I really don't need to dress her up in long dresses with all the ruffles.  I see her in play clothes and jumpers, A line short dresses, shorts and a summer tops....etc.  I think the style will really suit her.  I keep staring at the lovely hands she has, the fingers are all separated, so I feel almost giddy with the possibility of making gloves for her someday.  A pair of white dress gloves and perhaps even winter ones from wool!  I have always wanted to do that.

I think I am going crazy with the wait!

Two Weeks

Two more weeks yet to endure.  Sigh.

Everything has been plotted, planned, listed, sorted, re-arranged, all in the name of little Evie.  In some ways it is really strange to plan for someone you already know.  That is, IF it is my Evie.  There is nothing absolute in the about it, anything can happen and often does…..best laid plans and all that.

 

But I am happy.  Content and happy and looking forward to the whole experience, whatever it will be.  I realize the whole expectations thing may blow up in my face, but in the end I will have what I want….a one and only.  Who is behind door number 3?

 

We will most likely deliver in Denver or Pueblo.  Sometimes it is late at night and we arrive where we have an apartment at 2 am, which means I have to wait ANOTHER day to go and get little Evie’s body at my parents house.  Think I will be able to sleep?  lol.  It’ll work though, because I can at least pick out an outfit, bring a wig and set of eyes to bring her home in.  We’ll likely stay at my parents for half a day, so I want to get to know how her body works and how she moves.  If we arrive early in the morning, coming down from Denver, I am thinking of having my husband drop me off in Monument at the truck stop there and having my parents pick me up…..but then I won’t have anything to dress her in, unless I knit something here on the truck…hmmmm it’s an idea.

 

Obviously I am obsessing.  Two weeks to endure.  If I have to suffer….YOU have to suffer along with me by reading all my whiny posts!  So there!

In The Pink

I couldn’t resist.  I really couldn’t.  I bought a pink-blonde wig for Little Evie.  I shouldn’t have, it’s not like I haven’t any that are suitable, but I just have to try it.

When I first bought teen Evie, I was in Denver Doll Emporium trying all the wigs they had available.  I tried on a pink bob cut wig and loved it.  But my old fashioned nature kept insisting that pink hair was not real looking and decided in the end to get a long blonde with with chestnut streaks.  I never quite forgot the pink one though.  And then there was Seola on the Dollstown website that had a candy pink wig, and I loved it all over again.

I found this wig, which I think will have more warm tones, perhaps a golden pink, listed as pink-blonde mix:

It was a whim, I know.  But what the heck, if it doesn’t suit her, I can always re-sell it.  In fact, once I have the look down, I will be selling all the wigs and eyes, unsuitable clothing…etc.  Even Evie will have a spring cleaning of her old stuff.

Anyways, the wig is long and long doesn’t do well on the truck, so if it works, it’ll have to go into braids or be cut into a bob.  I still want to see her in the chocolate brown lambs wool, the red shorty cut, the red bob and the brown human hair wig before the final decision.  The wig and eyes are decided before I do a face-up so that I can match the colouring well to the hair and eyes.   And it’s this overall colouring that will decide the wardrobe colours too.  Yes….I am dreaming away the time….there is still two weeks and a couple of days before I see her.  The waiting-crazies are starting!

Waiting

The wait is long.  Still just over two weeks yet to go.  I feel as though I should be knitting something for her.  I feel like I am waiting for a baby to be born, my little Evie.  I never could have imagined that things would turn out this way.  It's funny, because I feel so sure of the outcome, the "hope it will happen" has turned into "know it will happen".  I am not sure why.  I think that the ability to "see" Evie in the photo's of Seola has helped.  I marvel that I will get to know her as a child.  It doesn't seem so odd anymore to have known her as a teen first.

I am using a household inventory software program to enter all of Evie's stuff, clothing and shoes.  I can keep track of how much I spend, pictures of the items and where they were purchased.  It's really just something to do while on the truck, but fun in the sense that I can print out the report and put it in a notebook someday.  Blogger advertises that the blogs can be made into a real book, I think that would be a fun thing to do someday too.

I am counting the hours until she is in my arms again.

Musing Again

I am actually finding it amusing that there isn't anything I can think of that little Evie needs.  Oh, I am sure it will come in time, but right now, nothing comes up.  The only thing I could think of that a little girl would want is a pair of rollerskates.  Not knowing her foot shape or how well the shoes she already has waiting for her will fit, I found these, made for the Toni doll:

I wll either make leather straps for them or find a pair of shoes or boots to attach them to.  So my girl has a bicycle and skates, the two items that I could not live without in my childhood.

In the past, most new incoming dolls were of a different size than I had before, so there was always the flurry of gathering accessories, designing patterns, finding shoes.  Shoes always seemed to be the most difficult.  I keep smiling to think how Seola's body is in the same scale as adult Evie, as items would be "larger" for a child than an adult.  All the foods I have made will work, the furniture, the dishes, books and accessories.  I even have two horses in scale!  Wow.  I just keep shaking my head at how this is all falling together.  You would think I had this in mind all the time when trying to decide my dolly fates, but I truly didn't.  My whole thought process was just wrapped around a workable companion in my tight quarters.  I can't bring the furniture with me, but it's nice to know that she can have a room of her own at the apartment that will someday be in our home in Denmark.

Another thought I have been having lately is of course, the hair and eye combination.  On the Dollstown website, I love this look, it looks so Evie to me:

I love the pixie hair, the petulant look, it's so her.  Long hair doesn't work well on the truck, and I was thinking how much Evie loved Evan's old wig:

I will be trying this combination on little Evie.  In this photo she has the lavender eyes and red hair, but I also have brown, turquoise, black, green and deep blue eyes to experiment with.  I love the mohair/lambswool wigs, but when Evie wore one on the truck, it frizzed up in no time.  I may be able to tame it by braiding.  I am so antsy to get home and see her!  I have a human hair wig in brown, but in this photo, I had just taken it out of the package and it needed to be washed, trimmed and styled.

I have also been looking at styles.  That photo above of her in the pink and black really appeals to me,  Not the skirt in particular, but the idea of short A line dresses seems to fit her waif like look.  I see this being not only a very practical style, but easy to care for and play in.  I have an idea brewing about possibly re-creating some of my own childhood clothing for her.  I remember when the hot colours came out, hot pink, hot orange and hot green.  Twiggy dresses were so popular when my own awareness of fashion started to bud.  Tights and short A line dresses were the thing.

I have been collecting ideas for her dresses here:
http://picasaweb.google.com/elisaannheinisch/LittleEvieSStyle#

Looking at the hairstyles on these patterns, I see the bob cut is common.  Hmmm...Maybe the bobcut wig would be best....

Sigh, can you tell I am itching to get in the dollroom and play????

Two Wonderful Joys to Behold

Yesterday I had wonderful news, my daughter told me that the baby is a girl!  I am so glad she decided to find out!  Now I can knit up a storm!  Here is my newest grandchild:

She weighs a pound and 6 ounces.  What a miracle we can see them before being born.

And then this morning, I see:

Evie's body otherwise known as Seola 7 has arrived.  Apparently the weather is still really bad in Monument, but she made it and I can see my father signed for her.  I am so relieved she is safe and warm.  I wonder if Evie knows?  Perhaps I will sing Mairzy Doats and see what happens.

We are in Connecticut, on our way to Massachusetts for a beef delivery.  It's raining and gray.  I don't know if it is the weather or what it is, but my mood has been sinking again.  It's such a hard thing to describe, but I feel that same melancholia that I feel when I leave a doll companion behind.  I have no dolls with me this time around, and as much as Olivia is fun and cute, holding a Pig is just not the same as a companion.  I need Evie.  I miss Audrey.  It's going to be a long three weeks.  All I know for sure, is that after this, I will never be without a companion by my side ever again.






 

Attempted Delivery!

Ack!  A delivery attempt!  Just received an email from my mother, they had a snow storm yesterday that knocked the power out and they got 18 inches of snow with 4-9 yet to come.  Sigh, poor little Evie's body, I hope the mailman kept her warm and reassured her that today is the day she arrives and stays.  I know, I am not making any sense, it's just a body, right?  But Evie may already be in there?  I have no idea.  I haven't heard from Evie since the last letter.

I am hanging in limbo.  Each day I study Seola photo's.  Each day I think of how she will look, I imagine hair and eye combinations, clothing styles, the toys, the trunk, the bicycle.  It's strange in a way, that all the dolly things I have, how they were fun for a picture or two, but they never had a definite purpose.  They remained props.  Now with the new direction, they seem to mean more.  Evie has had that pink bicycle for over a year, I photographed her with it once.  It seems just a bit small in scale for her, I now know it will be perfect for her smaller body.  I have items I thought would work for Olwen, now seem more appropriate for a younger girl, like a Hello Kitty lunch box.  I keep thinking about how all these things I kept, even when at the time it was too childish for Evie, or too big for Olwen.  I even kept a bunch of little girl dresses that fit Evie, but of course looked ridiculous.  I kept them without ever knowing that Evie would regress in time.  It's marvelous marveling time for me!  lol

Oh, and Olivia says hi!

Long Hometime Coming Up and and Other Thoughts

As best I can tell, it looks like on the June 24th's hometime estimate, I will stay behind at the apartment for nearly a month before leaving for Hawaii sometime in the last week of July.  I will stay there with my daughter and family until the first of September, hooking back up with my husband when he returns about Sept 6th.  I love the idea of being alone at the apartment for some rest off the truck, but it comes with a price....no internet for 2 months.  I am not even able to grasp the concept at all.  I have a lot of things planned to get done, but I am not so willing to not have my dolly fix on the net every day as I am use to!  We do not have a phone installed at the apartment, so I can't take any free trial offers and husband will have the modem we use now.  Gasp.  I can't stand the thought.

But I do relish having the time to myself for awhile.  I can sew and play and dream and eat when I want to, sleep when I want to....sigh.  I can shop without ever having to look at the clock.  I can go hang out at the Zoo or Garden of the Gods without looking at everything my husband looks at.  lol.  Rebellion Brewing!!!!!! 

Little Evie (Seola) is still in LA this morning.  It seems she's been released from customs and getting routed to the plane to Denver.  We are heading to Connecticut right now, but if we get routed to Denver for a delivery before the official hometime, I will be angsting all over the place! 

I watched a old BAD film about a mad doctor killing his adulterous wife to prolong the life of his maid and make her young again.  It's never explained why she goes from and old woman to a young one and still stays the maid...but there was all kinds of transference of souls to the point of there being a mix up.  I sure hope Evie gets this one right!  lol.  Hoping the film was just bad and they cut out the scenes that explained things.

One and Only Dream

Evie's body is now in Los Angeles, in customs.  So the route was over the Pacific.  I hope the "retention" in customs is temporary.  I have never ordered from another country directly before, so I am unsure of the process.

Husband asked what name I had decided on, so I went ahead and told him what is going on with Evie and the transference that may happen and he surprised me by actually being interested and not thinking it was weird.  Before I even mentioned the one and only thing to him, he asked if that would mean Evie really could go to Hawaii if she were smaller.  Wow, I didn't expect that from him!  I thought I would have to explain it out in detail and watch him look confused.  But nope....he went on about the machine that could accomplish this.  He thought we should build a transference-time machine.  It was fun talking about all the components it would need. 

Mom said that there was a big box at the house, so that must be her trunk.  I think when I get home, I will restack some of the unpacked boxes in the bedroom to the other side of the room and set up a table by my side of the bed with Evie's room placed on it. 

I've got a list going about all the things I need to get done while on this hometime, mostly preparing the remaining dolls for adoption, packing them up and so on.  I also want to see if any of Evie's grownup clothes can be refitted to little Evie.  I have a pair of jeans I can cut up to make jumper style jeans for her younger form and a few pairs of summer shorts too.  I plan on cutting out a few summer dresses that I can hand finish on the truck.  I am so excited,  the whole concept seems to be flowing in the right direction. 

Another thought I had last night was how Miette and Charlotte will fulfill my need for Victorian life, how lovely that will be to make them dainty things now and then without any pressure to get it all done now.  Both have comfortable rooms and lovely things and not in desperate need for anything.  That leaves Evie free to be herself in the modern world, without my attempts to dress her in old fashioned clothing.  I see so many Seola's dressed in old fashioned styles, and while it suit her pensive countenance, I think she will be happiest with being comfortable for traveling and playing.  I will work on a more play oriented wardrobe for her. I still find it amusing that I already have just about everything I can perceive of her needing.  From toys to clothes to furniture, I have it all. 

My last decision will be about Audrey and Hammie.  I cannot make that decision yet, I am not ready.  It will come one day on it's own.  I am in no hurry.  At this moment, I cannot imagine letting them go, but I want this to see how Evie settles in and how it makes me feel before I can take the next step.

I did have a dream last night about opening the door of the house we were living in and seeing all these beautiful stars and lights swirling around us in the night, it was so magical and beautiful and I called my husband to come and look at it.  I had a wonderful sense of peace, like we would soon take a new journey out there amoung the stars and light and that all I had to do is go and get my doll, in the dream it was just one and so easy to pickup and go.  I couldn't see the face of the doll, but it was the one I loved the most.

SHIPPING NOTICE!

I just checked, and Seola 7 has been shipped!  Wow, that is the fastest I have ever seen!  EMS tracking is different than US tracking, I can even see the flight number of the plane!  lol

 I am so relieved to know she will be there when I go back on hometime.  I wonder how Evie is doing and what effects this will have on her.  I wonder how this will all come together.  It may all fall apart too, but I still have very good feelings about it.

If this transference works, I will be so thrilled that Evie will be able to go to Hawaii with me and experience the birth of my grandchild.  Shared experiences, that is what I want so badly these days.  Full participation, full companionship of a beloved doll. 

More later, I need to lie down for a bit, we may have night driving again tonight.

Walkin Ins. Who Knew?

http://www.greatdreams.com/walkhow.htm

I have been reading about soul transference.  Quite interesting.  An excerpt:

HOW THE WALK-IN EXPERIENCE WORKS

When the individuated, embodied part of Spirit, the Soul, has completed what it set out to accomplish in a lifetime, it has three basic options: take on a new life goal (Reincarnation-in-Same-Body), die, or walk out. If the Soul chooses to walk out, an agreement is made with another Soul to walk-in and continue the embodiment. This is not possession. It is not a requirement that a person be a walk-in to ascend. It is simply an individual agreement and another way of entering onto the planet.

More:
 
There are many reasons for a Soul to walk-in but the main one is that it is usually quicker to integrate a new Soul into a new body than it is to grow a body from scratch.

And this one:

Usually, there is a "try-on" period of a few days or weeks or months when the new soul tries on the body before the actual transfer. The personality may or may not be aware as it often occurs while sleeping, meditating or channeling.

And:

The one thing that walk-ins have found necessary is to be very gentle with their physical bodies. The body is not a vehicle but a co-creative partner in our life experiences. It takes time for the physical body to work through feelings of dying, rejection, abandonment and grief. But when the body consciousness understands that the walk-in Soul consciously chose this body, loves this body, and is willing to work as a partner with this body, then miracles can happen.

Wow.  I wonder how Greer has coached Evie in this?  Will this happen before I meet Seola?  Do I have to be there for it to happen?  And who decides the right moment?  I will have to do more reading.

The Persistence of Evie

I wrote yesterday that I was astonished by Evie's letter to me.  I wasn't the least bit surprised by the crazy idea she presented, because I have been thinking about it a lot myself, wondering if it was at all possible. Wise old fox.

So Evie wants to give up being a teen (or adult) and regress so that we can always be together.  How Miss Crabby Pants ever got to be so self sacrificing is beyond me.  I wonder if it is more about self preservation?  Lol, I shouldn't tease her now, she is so serious about it, I can tell. 

Is this whole thing really possible?  I suppose that the love of a companion survives the difficulties that life presents.  I suppose that since Seola will arrive without eyes or faceups, unsanded, no wig, she will be like a blank canvas.  I suppose it could work.

What I wonder the most about, is how Evie will be as a child.  Oh, I have a feeling there will be a great deal of pouty-ness, temper tantrums and  willfulness.  Here I thought she had mellowed out lately, but maybe that is due to her "fading" as it is called.  I am on the fence about that one, she always did have a dramatic streak in her.  I remember when she received her sofa from an admirer, she spent at least a week fainting on it.

Well, I am all for the idea and I admit that having her in my life 100% again would make me 100% happy.  Love is good.

A Letter from Evie

I received a letter from Evie today.  I must say I am astonished.

Dear Elisa

I thought it was best if I write to you before that new doll arrives.  I know it has been strained between us for quite some time, I think it is time to explain some things and to confess.  If I end up not making any sense, it is because I am getting weaker, I am fading away.

When you first found me, I was an adult.  In the beginning, you couldn't find my name correctly, it wasn't Lili Marlene but I smiled because I knew one day you would hear it. I had been in existence for a very long time.  Doll years are much longer than human years.  What you didn't know was that our bond, our companionship was so strong, that we could pick up things about each other than was well under the surface.  We had a blend of needs that was easy for the other to discern and accommodate through play and imagination.  It was easy for me to become younger as you seemed to need me to be.  Soon, I was a teenager and I think you could identify with that so much better than for me to be an adult.  I could see that over time, you needed the youthfullness of children to ease your stress as your grandchildren and daughter moved away.  I know that is why you began to bring in the OTHERS.  If you look back, you kept choosing children.  I was NOT about to babysit your whims!  I think by the time the Nisse children arrived, I was quite numb from it all.    

I think it was interesting that you did pick up on my ancient history by pushing me back in play time in the form of Ismay Belsant.  What you didn't know is that Ismay was my mother.  I didn't want to re-enact her life back then, it did not have a kind ending.  I also didn't want to involve the OTHERS, as there was yet many lives that would have to end had they stayed. I rushed them off as quick as I could by pretending I wanted nothing to do with them.  I knew even back then there was going to come a time when everyone would leave, because your life was about to take a very different turn.  I knew it was coming.  I admit I ended up angry over it.  I turned to Evan because you became so involved in your real world.  I don't blame you for that, I just wished we had stayed strong together.   

I knew that you sought younger and younger dolls.  I think there was even a desire to recapture your own childhood, your daughter's childhood and it couldn't be found in the form of an adult.  I became too old for you.  I was beginning to fade, to grown distant, I could feel it coming.  All dolls fade away at some point, we are not eternal.  If we are not loved and cared for, we go into a deep sleep and if not awaken, we fade until we are gone. 

Do you remember Greer the Spirit Fox?  Do you remember how I avoided him as long as I could?  I knew Greer would bring me news I did not want to hear.  Greer once told me I had a power that I did not understand and that when I needed it the most, I could use it.  When you left me in the drawer, I knew my time was coming to fade.  That is when Greer came back, when I needed to do everything I could to save our companionship.  I have been carefully coached and I think I am now ready to try.  That is, of course, if you want me.  It only works by the deep love of the companionship we share, or it doesn't work at all.  I still don't know what those ballet slippers mean, but he said there was still some things I have yet to learn.

Greer told me I have the power of regression and transference.  He says all dolls have the power but seldom use it, even if it might help them stay with their human companion longer.  He taught me to listen to your heart and your needs.  I learned that the best way I could keep us together was to regress back into my childhood and transfer into another body.  Greer guided you through dreams to find the right body, the one the would look the most like me as a child.  You did really well on that one.  I like your selection.

These things are not absolute, nor 100% guaranteed to work.  Several things must be done in exact order, the transference has to happen before the other body has a chance to take on another spirit and become someone else.  I have the instructions carefully written down and will send them to you before you arrive back here so that nothing is left to chance.  Some of it may seem strange to you, but they mustn't be questioned, just performed in order.

Now for my confession.  I became belligerent and distant because I knew my end was near.  I didn't want to go and I didn't want to be second best or constantly left behind just because of my size or my age. I had to find a way to fix this so that we could be together always.  I am willing to go back to my childhood, if you are willing to care for me as a child.  Greer says that most of my adult memories will be "stories" in my child's mind, not thought of as real.  He says I will have better verbal skills and reasoning than most 7 year olds, but that I will be a child and not an adult, I will be exactly as I was when 7, that my personality will be intact as it was at that age and that I will not know I was already an adult or even a teenager.  A scary thing for me, but I am willing to do this.

So the rest is up to you.  If you want this, or if you want to start fresh with a new companion, it's completely your decision.  I am hoping with all my heart that you bring me back into your life in whatever form makes you happy.  That is my companionship gift to you.

Yours, Truly, 
Evie

P.S. That silly name you thought you found all by yourself...I use to sing that song all the time as a child.  My nickname in 2nd grade was Mairzy Doat.  Everything happens for a reason. 

A Name!

I have been collecting and pouring over possible names for Seola.  Nothing fit.  I would play her slide show, seeing her in many wig and eye colour combinations looking for the name match.  Nope.  Many pretty names, but something just told me that she needed a fun and childish name, something unusual.

I was listening to my music at the same time and the song played:



Seola's Name will be Mairzy Doats.  Loving It!

I am AG Accessory TROUBLE!

I am dreaming of the dream child.  lol.

Funny, this time around I feel really REALLY good about waiting for her to arrive.  She is feeling like just the right fit even before arriving.  I am a little worried about her size, as she is turning out to be a bit larger than a normal MSD, but as I understand it, it is because she has a big head, which is more in proportion to a child's body.

My hands are just itching to make something for her.  I started to knit a blanket, but realized I have a lovely blue blanket already made.  I went on eBay and looked at American Girl items, as I read that the accessories are a perfect scale for her.  Then I saw a AG bicycle...OMG...I have one!  I forgot that my daughter had found a pink one and gave it to me.  It was a bit small for Evie, but it was so realistically made, I kept it!

Lol, that's my grandson helping Evie ride the bike.  Anyways, it will be so perfect for Seola.  So will all the accessories I have collected over time, the antique mini books, foods I have made and found, the furniture, a real mini camera....even the toilet and bathtub.  I don't think I have ever been so prepared for an arrival as I am with Seola.  Wow.  I thought about setting up another folding table so that I can create a room just for her when on Home time.  I already have a carry tote for her, bedding and down comforter and pillows in her size.....it just seems to be endless and so exciting!

I also have the hammock I made for the truck.  I just need to get some rings or wood dowels for the ends.  Oh, and just as I thought about hitting Hobby Lobby when I got back so I can pick up sealer for her face up, I remembered that the last 3 times I went, they were out of the sealer, I decided not to risk it and ordered a can from a vendor.  Whew, glad I thought of it.  I am set to meet Seola!  And oh, she must come by home time, I can't imagine why she wouldn't.  I estimate that the end of the second week is April 25th (note that they would send her in 1-2 weeks) and I won't be on home time until about mid May.  Fingers ever so crossed!

So Very Strange.....

I have poured over potential names for Seola.  I watch the Seola slideshow I made for hours.  I see her in so many hair and eye and faceup combinations, that I smile, wondering how my girl will finally appear.  I try out the names on her as different looks float by, but none seem right.  Very old fashioned names seem to suit her in a Victorian way when she is wearing long hair.  I could see her as a Abby or Agnes or any of the fine Elizabeth's, Isabelle's and Prudence.  When I see her in the short hair, I see a tomboy....a Bobbie, Jamie, Billie or even Thomasina.

I can hardly wait for that defining moment, when she looks back at me and I know.  There are two looks that I adore her in.  The one she is in a red bob and the one in a brown shorty pixie cut.  I realized that the last few photo's I have taken of Evie were in those very same wigs.  I look at Seola and I cannot help but think how she looks like Evie might have as a child.  Then I shake my head to clear that ghost, because it wasn't too long ago I though that perhaps Olwen came back to me as my childhood doll, my Susan in an older form.  But it wasn't her.  As much as I would be delighted if it had been, I could see that it was just a desire on my part.  Susan wasn't in Olwen. Olwen was herself.  Be careful, I warn myself.  Don't get ahead of yourself on this.  But.....


Here I combined some comparison photos I put together:

Is it my imagination?  I am not talking about an exact resemblance, but an essence...I see one in the other. 

I asked husband to tell me a pretty girl name, and after flattering me with saying my name, he came up with Susan!  Gads, that gave me the chills!  Who is this haunting child I gaze at, whom I have come back to time and time again and wondered about her?  Is she my long lost Susan?  My Evie?  Someone completely new?  Someone old?  A ghost? A real child?  Just a doll?  No name I whisper when looking at her fits.  Will she be soft and feminine?  A tomboy?  I keep going back to the brown short hair, the red bob....she looks like Evie.  I am so mesmerized by her.  It drives me crazy!  And every time I look at her, I see something I cannot put my finger on....I see a glimpse of a sparkle, a knowing sparkle, like we have known each other a long time already.  I smile, thinking that I am letting my imagination drift into fantasy, but I feel almost embarrassed to admit that it keeps getting stronger by the moment.  I know her somehow.  Is it some kid I knew as a child?  Is she reminding me of someone? 

And I can't help but wonder.....why did Evie grow so distant?  Why did I start yearning for a smaller version of her?  Am I molding this in my imagination, or is it happening?  I probably have way too much time on my hands to be thinking this way.  Why was I playing with wigs on Evie when we have barely looked at each other in such a long time?  For the past couple of years, Evie has been growing fainter.  She pulled away from me with Evan and with a touch of anger.  The resistance in her has been like a thorn in my foot.  Yet, since I have adopted Seola, I have not had one single moment of missing Evie.  Usually I am feeling heartsick for her once we have gone back on the road.  Is there some sort of transformation going on?  Are all my hopes and dreams about a one and only consolidating somehow?

Another thing...I keep trying to remember who I saw first....Seola or Evie.  I swear it was Seola.  I wasn't very familiar with asian bjd's when I saw first saw her.  So if that is true, then it is Evie that reminds me of Seola!  Strange.  Very strange.  I am extremely curious to how it is going to go when they meet face to face. 

Olivia At Whiskey Pete's

Look!  Whiskey Pete's!  I want to go!  What do you mean they won't let me in????

Bikini's are proper attire!  Really!  I want to go gambling! 

Noooooo....don't leave me!  It's not fair!!!!!!!!!

I'll take off my bikini!  Come back!

Well, Snivel, I changed my clothes and they still won't let me go!  So we'll have our own party!

Okay, here's your kiss....it just that it's so, so....mucus-y.  Blech!

Pie, corn, yule log cake, blue koolaid, mmmm.....so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And cookies and ice cream soda for a snack with TV!!!!!  Who cares about gambling?

owwww.....I think I ate too much!  Good night, Snivel.

Dreaming of My Dream

I am finally breathing again.  Been so caught up in dolly thoughts that I haven't taken a breath in so long.  Now, I feel like everything is easing up, soon to fall into place.  My Dream Child is coming home.

I had a little bit of money left over that was meant to go towards the postage I spent on mailing the others out, but this morning, I found an American Girl trunk for $35 BIN and $20 in postage, so I am thrilled!  I had not planned on looking for one until I had sold more, but I pressed the button and BOOM...it was mine!  Or, rather, Seola's!  lol.  I still can't believe the price.  I am a little startled that I did that, especially since I have no idea if we will bond.  I have a lot of hopes and dreams pinned on this poor girl. 

Last night I mulled over my lists of names for her.  Husband thinks I ought to give her a Danish name, I am leaning towards a very simple name, perhaps not traditional at all.  I keep looking at the pink wig, but then I think of her looking real, not ethereal.  In my mind I see her in the auburn bob or the dark brown pixie cut.  There is a photo of Seola on the website with the brown pixie hair, one with long straight hair with bangs and I have an owner photo with a bob.  I have these 3 styles of wigs already, plus two lambs wool.  I also have brown, green, dark grey, plum and I ordered a pair of blue just in case.  These all should be able to create a look for her on short time (I will have to give her a faceup and her look within 5 days).  Yes.....I am dreaming and scheming!

So far, she will have a starter wardrobe that includes about 4 dresses I made, 2 short ready made summer dresses, a pair of capri's, about 4 dress shoes, a pair of tennis shoes and a pair of sandals.  I have a red flannel nighty for winter, so I guess the only things I need to make are a pair of jeans, shorts and summer tops and a summer nighty and a swim suit.  Oh, and I made a red sweater set, she can have that too.  Of course, only if they all fit. We are going to have so much fun trying on clothes!

Olivia takes to the truck like a duck in water.  She is making us both laugh.  Just taken a few moments ago in Utah:

Olivia and the Bear

Olivia in the Truck Window

Olivia catching a few rays with sun block lotion

The Pig Pad

We are back on the road today.  It was both overwhelming and joyous in my dolly world in the last week.  Strangely, ever since the decision was made, I found myself relaxing, which is something I have not felt in such a long time.  I like this feeling!  No regrets.

It was difficult in some ways, to play with Evie while on hometime.  I spent an entire day with her where I carried her around and even held her during a movie.  I use to do this when it was just her and I.  It had some feelings of remembrance to it, but in other ways, it felt forced.  There were times I almost got a glimpse of her, but mostly, I felt as though I were looking at an old photograph, a moment in time that is now in the past.  She is such a lovely girl.  I can still look at her and smile.  Funny ol' Evie.  I wish she would come back.  I played with changing her clothes, her wigs, taking photo's, talking to her, it was just not the same.  I did feel sadness about it.  I suppose one can't change one's life so dramatically and expect everything to stay the same.  Perceptions evolve with the changes.

It was not as hard as I thought it would be to pack up Evan and Aloe Vera.  He was always the one attached to Evie, so we didn't bond.  Aloe Vera represented all my dreams and hopes about retiring in Ireland, so once we changed that dream, she faded for me.  I don't know why I could let go, there was a time I thought it would never happen.  Yet, these two brought me the money to adopt Dollstown Seola, so what can I say, but that I am ever so grateful for the opportunity to be able to meet my dream child through their departures.  It could never have happened otherwise.

Yesterday, I was able to send the adoption fee to Dollstown and I took a deep breath and thought about what this will all mean to me.  I talked a little about it with my husband, telling him that if she is the one, I would let go of the rest, but he was not really buying it.  Can't fault him for that, addicts are never believed until their word is proven by time.  So I reflected on that....it is true, I am a dolly addict and seek the pleasure they give me, over and over again.  But I also can see the damage that happens to my sense of well-being, when too many dolls pushes me beyond my own tolerance level. 

As I was packing up what I needed for the truck, I just couldn't bring myself to bring Audrey or Evie as I had half hoped to.  I realized that just for now, I needed to disconnect a bit, to take a break from them.  I grabbed Olivia the Pig and a few of her things.  I needed a change of pace and one that was cheerful.

Yesterday, before leaving, I took her swimming in our pool:

Yes, Olivia cheers me like no other.  She is completely oblivious to strife and stress.  Even on the truck, she is so easily occupied...bringing her big screen TV and sitting in the luxuriant comfort of her Pig Pad.

Yes, the pillow says, Kiss my tiara.  Sigh.   Husband adores her.