Thursday, April 1, 2010

The Time Has Come to Say Goodbye

I have agonized over this decision for a year and that is enough.

I have decided that I need to connect how my lifestyle is now (and will be for years to come)  with what my needs are.  I need a constant companion(s) and that companion will be by my side wherever I am.  Until I find the one, or the combination that sings to my heart, the cuts will continue.  And it hurts, but I need the relief.  No more sad departures and

The first decision was Lizzy.  She is such an adorable dizzy lady, I have enjoyed her drinking antics and her bug eyed charm.  Her auction is here.

Next was Evan.  The bittersweet story that just couldn't make it.  While he has been a wonderful boy in his own right, he just could not blossom under Evie's shadow.  I am not blaming him, but blaming myself for having brought him into a situation that practically severed the relationship between me and Evie.  Once he entered the door as her brother, she and I lost our connection.  My hope is that disconnecting her from him will bring her back to me.  His auction is here.

Then it came to be Aloe Vera's turn.  Such a fabulous leprechaun she has been and certainly was the symbol of our move to Ireland, which has now changed.  She is hard for me to handle, a body that is much too small.  While her height is good at 10 inches, she seems to stay in the sidelines and that means to me it is time to let go.  She has so much stuff too....sigh.  Her auction is here.

Wow.  I did it.  I feel a strange sense of relief.  It may take months to sell, but once the decision is made, it helps move everything else in the right direction.

My thought at this time is that if they sell, I will have enough funds to at least consider Dollstown Seola.  Seola will not be adopted if Evie comes back to me.  I am at the point that I am willing to deal with Evie's largeness on the truck, if it ends up being just her and the children.  This is where my heart is, I want my Evie back.  I keep feeling small sparks, but I am not sure if I am just wishing so hard or she is coming back on her own.  I just can't force it. 

I think I done with "making do" when I have a dream.  I have dreamt of a one and only for so long, I aim to find her, no matter what or who she is.  This isn't about finding new dolls anymore, it is about finding her.  If Seola turns out not to be the dream I wish for, then I will at least have her out of my system for good.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  Her pull is strong.  I must find a way to find out if what I think is true...well, is.  I believe only Evie can break that spell.  I wonder if Evie is interested any more? 

Whomever it ends up being, they will be will me always.  Of that, I am so very sure.

1 comment:

  1. I hope that Evie comes back and will take to life on the truck! I can understand the frustration of being a doll trying to live in a human scale world - the truck being too small to have your own world, but being too small to really be a person size (a good thing, I guess, or she'd steal your entire bed!). I don't know anything about Seola. She looks kinda sad, but her posing seems amazing. Is she SD or MSD scale?