Friday, March 12, 2010

Moving in that direction.....

We have been on night drives and I came down with a bit of a cold so I cannot say that I have done anything productive dolly wise except not finish Miette's crochet dress, and I have started handsewing the white nightdress I cut out before I left the apartment.  No energy to finish either yet.

I wrote a post in my doll group this morning about being tired of being torn about my companions and the way we are all separated now.  When I was packing to leave the apartment, I really wanted Audrey to come with me, and then I saw Zoelina looking so forlorn, then I smiled at Pandy and I sighed.  I go through this time and time again.  Evie looked so abandoned, Evan looked sick, Olivia was unusually quiet and Aloe Vera hasn't been anywhere in so long.  Olwen looked tearful.  Then I looked up at Frank and Lucy and wondered why am I always having to say goodbye?

Since I have been back on the truck, I have been sorely missing Audrey.  I have been wishing to spend more time with Evie.  I wonder time and time again, is it too late for us to be what we once were?  Has time and circumstances changed our relationship?  I had the same feelings about Audrey that I had with Evie and I feel as though I am letting that bonding slip away.  In both relationships, I ruined it by continuing to add to the mix.  It's a constant struggle...I think that I love THIS doll so much, another one would be MORE love!  It doesn't work that way.

I try to close my eyes and think...what IS IT that I really want?  I try to not let the ideas, or the the stories get in the way.  What is I really want out of a relationship with a doll? 

I want a companion that goes through everyday life with me.  One that I can sew for, dream with.  One that can go anywhere and everywhere with me.  A constant companion.  I don't want to have size issues where transporting is a problem.

I want a companion that delights me, that makes me smile.  I want a companion that I can find little objects for.  One I can play with or have them just sit with me.  I want simplicity, happiness and fun.

The cherub that took my breath away was little Audrey.

How I love my Audrey.  Can you tell?  Munchkin love.

I need to finish unpacking the rest of my doll things when I get back to the apartment.  I want to sort it all out, get a grasp of what I have and then fine tune it down to the best of the best.  Audrey will return with me on the truck and I will begin to let go.  I am getting so close to the concept of the one and only companion.  So very close.

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