Wednesday, March 17, 2010

A Strange but Wonderful Dream

I had a dream last night that I was laying in a field and crying.  Evie came through the grass and put her hand on my hand and told me to stop.  Her voice was just a whisper, just a hint, but it was very clear.  I looked at her in the dream and saw that her articulated joints were gone, that her glass eyes were real eyes.  I felt startled, but I was sure it was the tears in my eyes that were blurring the lines.  Evie continued to talk and said that she wanted me to stop worrying.  She said that I felt disconnected because I kept the family separated in my mind.  She said a lot more, but I don't remember the words, but we seemed to be having a picnic in the grass while chatting away, and I was really enjoying her company, feeling like long lost friends who realized that no time had passed at all since the last meeting.  The dream was strong, I could feel the warmth of the sun, the smell of the grass and the very very real presence of Evie.  I hated waking up and realizing it was a dream.  Evie was so present, so close, so real.

I have been wrapped in the memory of the dream all morning.  What did she mean by keeping everyone separated?  She, herself was always rejecting the new arrivals, always wanting everyone to go away.  Now she speaks of a family.  Have my dolls bonded while I have been away?  Are they now a family?  Being an only child, I have a hard time understanding this family thing.  My daughter is expanding her family, even though she is an only child.  Why is this so hard for me?  Too many people in one place make me feel overwhelmed.  Social anxiety I guess.  Too many dolls do the same thing.  So why would Evie think I could accept the idea of a family of companions?

Sigh.  I don't know.  In the meantime, I am trying to keep busy with my hands.  I am knitting Miette a pink cotton blanket.  The pattern is K2, P2, K2 together, YO, repeat.  It's a bit more lacey than it appears in the photo.  I felt bad when I laid her down to sleep and realized that a child's blanket with zoo animals on it was just not her thing.  She looked painfully annoyed, but her good manners kept her tongue in check. 

I finished her nightgown, which I cut out while on home-time and handstitched here on the truck.  I haven't made a complete garment by handstitching in so long.  I think antique style clothes look just fine being hand stitched, while modern clothing needs the clean look of machine stitches.  I really enjoyed sewing by hand and think I will do much more of it here on the truck.  I made a drop sleeve, but since I don;t have an iron, it is puffing up too high because of the stiffness of the lace.  I will wash it when I get home and iron it so that it flows in the direction of the wrist.  One of my bjd shirts used ribbon to gather and close a sleeve at the wrist and I really liked that techinique and will use it more on my dolls, especially since I would like to avoid using elastic on Miette's clothes.  I did use snaps to close the back, because I did not have the right kind of buttons, I will eventually make button holes by hand and add small shell buttons.

Miette is being a wonderful and patient companion as I try to work through my feelings right now.  I am so glad she called my name at that antique shop that day.  All my Victorian yearns rest on her pretty little self.

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