Sunday, December 20, 2009

The Stories Fell Apart

There is something about Christmas that makes me happy.  What a difference a day makes.

I want to write about a wonderful idea I had.  It was perfect, but once I got involved in it, I realized that I also felt agitation, feelings of sadness as I wrote each story out.  All the work I had poured into Belsant Tower, all the stories, all lost.  Even the castle is gone, as I could not pack it in the POD.  Sigh. I wanted to rescue it all somehow.

My idea was to take each name my Evie had in the past and make it a genealogy that could be my doll's family past.  Evie's parents would have been Ismay and Silas (the Belsant Tower stories) and Lili Marlene (Evie's first given name) would have been Susan's (now Olwen) mother, the soldier and nun story (the haunting of Belsant Tower) would have been Miriam's parents.  I connected my porcelain dolls as servants to the various families and wrote a wonderful Christmas story about everyone discovering their past and how they are related.

But as I wrote the stories, I became upset.  I realized that my imagination and stories always got more involved and convoluted, leavng my doll companions mere actors in endless plays, instead of the simple companions I so miss playing with.  It also kept me constantly on the hunt for new characters.  In creating this last story line, I needed a mother for the children, a sultry Portugese (tan DZ SD) and well, that would be $500 and who has that kind of dolly funds?  Not me.  What the heck was I doing?  I had created a monster that would have had to be played out and endlessly.  It is so much work.

And my poor Evie, never having much of a chance just to be herself.  It has caused a riff between us.  How could I have let this happen?  She is my heart, the one companion who has outlasted everyone, and she lays in a dark drawer because she is too large ti be on the truck.

Halfway into the Christmas Calendar story that would have introduced the characters and brought them into one cohesive story, I found myself totally discouraged.  Along with bad internet connections and days without access, along with the terrible depression that was overcoming me, I had to give up the idea.  I was justifying my dolls existence, causing me to spend all this time between this one and that one, when all I really wanted was to play with Audrey and Hammie.  It's so hard to explain.  I just hate chaos and commotion, I get agitated when there is too much going on around me.

What I don't want:
  1. Too many dolls
  2. Different scales going on
  3. Complicated stories
  4. Sad stories, death and adult themes
What I do want:
  1. Simple joy, simple photo's of everyday life
  2. Evie, Emyr, Olwen, Audrey and Hammie as my companion family
  3. Aloe Vera and Olivia the Pig as my fun companions
  4. A time period I can work within as a hobby.
  5. Improve my knitting and sewing skills.

Today I also decided to change Noah's name to: 

EMYR: Welsh name meaning "king."

and Susan's name to:
OLWEN: Welsh Arthurian legend name of the heroine of Culhwch and Olwen, composed of the elements ol "footprint, track," and (g)wen "fair, holy, white," hence "footprint/track of the holy one." Olwen was the daughter of the fierce giant Ysbaddaden who was fated to die if she ever married. She was a magical girl who caused flowers to spring up wherever she went.

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